Loosing mum

My mum was 86 years old and passed away on 18 January 2022, I feel guilty as hell as I was not at her bedside but abroad, I did not get to hold her hand when she passed or say goodbye. The last words I remember from her was I am alright before I flew. I came back within 4 days but the guilt is there and as a son I had to press the button to close the final curtain. How can I deal with this words are beyond me

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So sorry to read about your loss and I understand the guilt and the ‘what ifs’ etc but mum’s are famous for their ‘I’m fine’ and we are programmed to belief them because they are always right and will always be there :cry:

If you hadn’t gone she probably would have been a little miffed at you so I don’t feel you have anything to feel guilty for (easier said than done though I know).

I wasn’t given the chance to press the button and had I been I probably wouldn’t have done it tbh so by you doing it you showed strength and courage.

Hope you have a supportive network around you and despite taking a few days to get back home I can only imagine how frantic you were to get home.

Don’t be so hard on yourself,

Suzanne x

Hi Rakesh, Feeling guilty is part of grief. I feel guilty for al the things I did or didn’t do or say to my mam. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mam. Mine would have been 80. She passed from cancer in November. It is soul destroying. I’m sorry I can’t comfort you. I’m not having a good day. Keep posting because it does help to be with people who truly understand how you feel and can offer wisdom and comfort. Words cannot express the sorrow. I just want to be with my mam. x
What is this about pressing the button? I wasn’t given the option to do that. I would have wanted to be with mam when that happened. Are you talking about cremation? I’m confused and having an awful day. I’ve had to go back to bed after my sister turned up asking why I won’t see anyone or answer their calls. I just want to be left alone. They don’t want me to be upset and think I should take medication so I don’t feel anything. Then she said about me trying to kill myself (which I am not and if I wanted to it would be done way before now). All of this on my doorstep for the awful neighbours to hear. I told her to leave me alone and shut the door. She said she wasn’t ever coming back again. Why can’t they accept I need time to grieve for my mam and stop putting pressure on me to be ok? I will never be ok again. I loved my mam more than anything in this world and she has left me. I just want her back.


Sorry for your loss Rakesh but Don’t be so hard on yourself Rajesh it’s always difficult time feeling guilty is always part of the grief process. All the things that you wanted to do with your mother we all know how you feel and have had similar feelings. I hope you have family and friends to support and comfort you.

Hi Christine51 yes it was the final button when the curtains closed on mum forever before she got cremated

That’s true feeling guilty is bad, I did not get a chance to say bye