Loosing mum

Coping with bereavement
1

So my mum died on the 10/10 just gone after really suffering for 2 years with COPD and although we knew there would be a time she would take a turn and not bounce back I just cannot come to terms with her death.

I can rationlise and I know it’s better the fact she’s not in pain and she’s not suffering (which she really did) but it just doesn’t help and I just can’t come to terms with the fact I won’t hear her voice, kiss her or hug her. I wake up in the middle of the night crying thinking did she know I loved her and I was proud she is my mum.

I know people say look at the good things she got to see her 4 children grow up and married with children of our own but the fact she won’t see them going to school or have boyfriends is just soul destroying. You just seem to take for granted that your parents will always just be there.

My father is just so lost we don’t know how to help him he’s been married to mum for 45yrs and he’s just broken. Mum was burried and My husband tells me, that’s not my mum in the grave anymore but it’s the body we hugged, kissed, touched and came out of and I can’t get the horrible thoughts as to what she looks like now, and how she looked when she took her last breath is that even normal???

I know that she would’ve been so scared when she passed and I’m glad that we were all there for that but I just can’t stop thinking about her face. I feel sick all the time, I’m so ratty and I just don’t look like me… it’s all just so final I have begged her to just show me something to let me know she’s still there…

2

Hi Ashley

My mum died in march from copd after suffering from it for some years. I totally sympathise with you and how you are feeling, it really is terrible to see them suffer and the feeling of being powerless to help them when they are so scared at the end.
Try to take some comfort in that you were all there with her as horrible as it was she would have known you were all there for her.
I’ve struggled myself this year, just when I think I’m coping I’ve hit another bad day but we do get through this. Same as you it upsets me my mum missing certain events and milestones with the kids. I miss talking to her as I’m sure you do with yours. It is such early days for you but all I can say is I think there comes a time when things do get better. We never stop missing them but time does help you learn to live your life and hopefully look forward.
I sometimes wish my mum would let me know she is watching over or there somewhere too.

Take care, you’ve come to the right place there are some lovely people on here who whatever their circumstances or situations are all missing someone they love and it’s nice to all support each other.

Louise

3

Thank you Louise. It’s such a horrible illness not spoke about much but mum had it for 9yrs but suffered very badly for 2yrs really. Even when you are expecting it just feels like you are watching someone else’s life through a window. I hope you are doing well and I’m sorry to hear about your mum xx