I’m not coping very well at all, I have to move home find another job. I’m 51 years old, I don’t feel I can go on this pain is too real and my heart is broken, I just feel I’m not strong enough to carryon.
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Hi @Babygirl73,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum - that is devastating. There’s a lot going on for you and it’s completely understandable to be overwhelmed by this.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Babygirl73, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Seaneen
So sorry to hear your pain. I have been there and wanted to just go to sleep and it all to stop, the pain the ache in your chest, the tears that don’t help you feel any better and the heaviness that is almost crushing.
You will get through this and the best help I can offer is to remember your Mum did not want this for you. She didn’t plan it for you. Allow yourself the feelings but carry on because your parents would want you to. They loved you and work hard for you, so just take on day and one step at a time.
A friend helped me with some homeopathic remedies which took the worst days to a less over whelming status. Keep talking and remember you are not alone, this is a feeling most of us have had but we are still here. Hang in there it does get less awful. You have at least made the step of come here to share your feelings so well done X
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Thank you for your kind words, I can’t seem to stop crying I feel my heart has been shattered and I’ve had heart break but this pain is unbearable and I don’t wish it on anyone. I’m alone in my grief as we all grieve differently I never felt such pain.it will take me along time to accept mums gone but I’ll never forget what lessons in life she taught me. She was my rock, support and my everything.
I think you are right. The pain of grief is such a lonely one that only you are experiencing. No one talks about this or understands but I lost my Mum nearly a year ago and helping her to be at home in her last weeks wells the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
It changed me and rocked my world. She and I were very close and I only really realise now she is gone just how much she loved me and how much we talked. Not having her there at the time I need her most was just horrible. I sank soo low I felt it was not worth me being here any more. No one around me understood or could understand what the pain of watching your mum die is like. What I did not want was them to suffer worse pain if I did anything. I couldn’t bear that someone would have to find me. The feelings I get would go through knowing they couldn’t help me. That would be far worse than just loosing their Mum like I did. It was enough to stop me and find ways forward and I really hope you will too X
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I hope so, as I suffer with depression and anxiety since I was 11 when I lost my dad who was bipolar, I saw him try to take his life I promised him I’d look after mum like he asked me too, Ive forefilled my promise now I have to try and have a life at age 51.
I have a very close male friend who’s and ex who has been great and there for me, in a way I’m annoyed that mum left me, at least shes in no more pain and at peace but Im still mad at her. I’m sorry if that’s selfish
I don’t want to resent her, but I ask myself everyday why?
It’s been just over a month and her birthday is on 21st July that day will be difficult, I’m going with my sister on Friday to collect our 2 urns of our mother’s ashes to me that makes it final, but harder to move on.
It all sounds a lot to deal with. I am not surprised you resent and are angry. It is a very natural part of the grieving process. Then you feel guilt for the negative thoughts.
This is the new normal. Nothing is right or wrong. Nothing feels comfortable or fits any more. I so often wished my
mum wasn’t so needy and controlling and then in her final months she so desperately needed me and was so scared. There were moments when I was angry but mainly because I just didn’t know how long or if I could cope with it all.
I did and we had some lovely money s I wouldn’t have missed. Then there were the awful moments when she was suffering and scared and the only
person she felt safe with was me. That is a lot to put on somebody. The he stress and anxiety I felt was awful. I needed to get out of the house and when I did I was scared and anxious she might need me for weeks. I didn’t sleep, checking on her constantly. By the time she was at peace I was soo broken physically I could hardly function and to not have that was extraordinary gap to fill.
Your Mum is so much a part of your life and your being, that loosing them means a fun dental part of yourself leaves. The gapping hole they leave is a raw and endless hole. There is nothing to fill that but pain and grief and sadness and no one warns you.
Sorry that’s a lot but believe me I have been to hell and back, you will be ok because your Mum will make sure you do X
Sorry for the typos
We had some good times together and yes felt safe with me and grateful she had me, I’ve 2 older sisters who both work but one hadn’t seen mum for 5 years and didn’t even visit her in hospital before and when she died. She must feel guilty, it’s true the hurt and pain is endless I try to carryon but it’s hard I still live in the house we shared, I’ve to find somewhere else to live and another job. I walk past her room everyday, it’s just how it was left I’ve slept in her bed it smells of her I wear her coat and nighties that are too big but they are her. I’m on medication for life I just try to live my life and keep busy. When she died I stayed at home in bed inkept saw noone and got very mentally, I drank and I had to snap out of it. I’m doing better now.
I have a brother and 3 children. My brother did not get on with my
mum and was the same. He didn’t visit even in her last 2 weeks at home dying. I was so angry with him as he left everything to me. I had to arrange the funeral and clear her house all in my own.
He was so angry and negative it made me feel quite sick as my
mum loved him soo much they just had a difficult relationship.
All my family had their moments, but mostly stayed away as it was too difficult to visit. It was my
Choice to care for her at home, I can’t judge others as it was what she and I wanted but it wasn’t nice or easy.
I managed to find some videos of us years ago and it really helped me to remeber her happy smiling face and make it over ride the memory of the last few weeks.
I have always been the centre of our family and supported and been there for everyone. I now find with my
mum gone and my heart so broken I am no use to anyone.
My family try to understand but it is a lonely path. I have many times thought of ending it but there is no good or sure way and what a waste! I can’t find what it is I want to do yet but I will find a purpose again and a way to move forward, and so will you. My Mum wanted a good life for me and she wanted me to be happy. This year has been absolute hell but I must find some way to make it all worth while for my Mum. So must you. Keep going one day at a time one hour at a time. Look at the life around you, look at the world around you and know you matter because your Mum loved you.
Today is another day think of you mum and allow her love to fill you up so you can get through this day. It does get easier but no less sad. You don’t forget but you learn to focus on the happier times and smile when you cry X
Thank you for Ur kind words.