Hi all,
I am seeking help after loosing my wonderful mum and my hero on June 24th to a long battle with cancer.
We have since had the funeral and I am really struggling now. I feel so lost and I feel like I don’t want to be me anymore. I try and do anything to feel like someone else. Like living life through others so I don’t have to feel the pain of my life. It’s effecting my relationship with loved ones.
Has anyone else felt like this? Thanks and look forward to chatting.
Hello @Alext
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread, sharing your story and how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Many of our community members have lost a parent, and often to cancer, so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Lizzie
Just to say Hi and yes loosing my mum continues to be tricky two and half years later.
Not sure I can help you but here’s some possibilities, things have helped me:
Try spending time, just a little, by yourself regularly, give yourself a breather from others, I sit and sketch in the park for over an hour sometimes. Maybe you have project you could work on or a place you like to go on a sunny day.
Spending quite time by yourself is very hard to do but works. Avoid spending that time thinking negative things though, make it positive so you value your own company.
I have benefitted a lot from focussing on my hobbies and developing them.
Anything that makes you feel you, in a good way, develop it.
Easy on watching telly, reading fiction and scrolling social media, the lure to live others lives is there for us all. Personally I find telly quite addictive so I now avoid unless watching with others sometimes.
Step back from always messaging or being with persons, or situations, where it’s getting weird.
On the flip side of that I know I don’t talk enough about my mum dying, I felt like I was being a bore, the depressed one noone likes anymore, still do. That’s why I’m on this site.
When I was a kid I lied all the time, making up amazing tales or just disguising my odd home setup, part of which was my dad had died when I was 11. As I became older, in my early twenties, I realised that I was responding to others lack of ability to understand me. They were trying to make me like them because they were uncomfortable, even though the differences were small. Sad realisation in a way but it also annoyed me… why should I cover up who I am? I’ve since avoided lying, if I don’t want to say about a part of my life then I detour around it in a conversation.
My mum understood me so when she passed away I thought that was it, polite narrow conversations forever.
To my amazement I did find some people I can be myself with and more I can be most of myself with.
Met some new people last night, wondered why I sounded like I was slightly showing off… thinking about it now, it was only when I spoke to some of them … with the easy going ones what I said just matched in with what they said, a little sharing about ourselves otherwise how are we supposed to get to know others? Or maybe I was emphasizing the new found positives in my life, I dunno, social stuff is very tricky. Does anyone else find every person you meet makes you feel a slightly different version of yourself?
Anyway no idea if this even makes sense but I’ll just round up with your not alone in grief or it’s odd effects on oneself 
I’m so sorry to hear this and I’m in exactly the same position as o lost my mum on July 4th
I have no words of advice but wanted you to know that are people hear that understand
I’m struggling so bad so it’s nice to chat online to others who have been through it