Hi. I lost my mummy on 6th of April, just over 6 weeks ago. I’m polish and i live in Scotland, my mum lived in Poland but frequently stayed with us for 2, 3 months at a time. Her last visit ended on 18th February, just after my daughters 2nd birthday. I didn’t know that Christmas would be our last. That my daughter 2nd birthday would be our last. My mummy lived for her granddaughter. She was admitted to hospital on a pre-arranged heart procedure (anglioplastyce) which was carried out on the 3rd of April in hospital in Poland. Later that day, I received a call that mum was in critical condition after the procedure and had 3 cardiac arrests. I immediately abandoned my life and flew to Poland to see mummy. I saw my mummy in hospital the next morning. She was concious but the sight of her lying so innocent, vulnerable and hopeless is breaking my heart. The next day, mummy lost consciousness and was intubated. The following day she slipped away peacefully, I was holding her hand. I can’t accept the events and I don’t want to accept my loss as it feels like I’m letting her go. i want to rewind the events and stop her from going to hospital. I feel guilty I’ve not done enough to stop this. I feel angry at the doctors and can’t help but blame them for messing up the op. All I want is my mummy back. I miss her so much. I brought my mum’s ashes back with me to bury her here so i can visit mummy. I visit my mum every day. I’m struggling to deal with the pain that grief brings, I’ve never felt so overwhelmed with sadness. I miss my mummy. I don’t want my current life, i don’t want my future without my mummy. My mum was only 66.I wanted my daughter to remember my mum from memories and not pictures and this had been ripped away from us. I keep sniffing my mum’s clothes that she left here for her next visit which was meant to be end of July. I’m totally and utterly heartbroken. I guess I want someone to tell me that this is a bad dream but I know nobody will. How do you cope with this overwhelming painful sadness? I feel physical pain in my knees. The hospital images are playing out before my eyes ask the time, the second i wake up and throughout the day. Anyone has any coping strategies? Thank you
Thank you for sharing this and for reaching out. I share your pain and wish I could take it away. God bless you.
@Patunia so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Its very heart breaking and i can understand its very ahocking experience since o am passing through the same. Its been 3 month but i still cant believe its true. I still feel that when i go back to her home she would still be lying on the bed and i would give her a big hug as ever but its nothing but a false perception. Its so hard to face the reality. Sometimes i wish i can cry a lot and there is someone who listens to my grief and gives me a hug to ease my pain. Life is very cruel. It doesnt even let us grieve because life has to go on even though you dont want to.
I’m really sorry for your loss and your pain @Innocent. Please accept a virtual hug from me, and I’m here to listen. You can talk to me about your mum, about the memories you shared, if it helps. I feel your pain. Life is indeed cruel and very very unfair. Every morning when I wake up the reality hits me again. I’m here if you want to talk, if it helps.