loosing my best friend to alcohol

hello Mary , totally get what you are saying , grieve is not easy & going through it is certainly an awful learning experience , yes I had something similar my aunt who was 2 years older than mum died the first week of August , my mum died the same year first week of Oct , they would call each other many times aday they were total opposites , I realised mum would miss her so I made an effort to call mum up at lunch & tea time would talk to mum about how she was feeling,-- What I didn’t realise at the time was grief & upset probably caused her to have the heart attack that killed her ,its all a learning curve death big Hugs

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Thank you its been the worse year of my life my partner passed away on the 4th anniversary og my dads funeral
My daughter has coped very well suprisngly to say she was very close to her dad thing it is an illnesss ill never know why but does run in the family he didnt want to be like that the drink had hold of him and sadly when he wanted the help too late
Like i said before he hid it well and the wine bottles were hidden all over the house i started finding them when he went into hospital he had it all me a child a job wasnt great but least he had a job and this is how it ended such a shame he has broken me.x

I do understand , iv had a year like it too , its the way its seems to go , my friend died one year 2 days after my mum ,also my aunt 2 months before mum I was just coming to terms with mum as she was a good age & never had to go into a home ,then my friend its just shook me again ,
-im pleased your daughter is coping that is a blessing but do keep talking to her , the social side of on line media worries me with youngsters , your partner must have been drinking so much as usually red wine isn’t as bad as spirits , my friend went from wine to spirits , he lived alone so thats the reason I put his drinking down to lonely nights on his own , he just kept it in the cupboards I recon towards the end he drank a bottle of spirits a night the damage he was doing his body I can’t imagine along with cost , when life is so precious , it really is hard to make sense of - yes I can remember my friend saying his mum drank badly -
I can understand it would break anyone , its turned your world upside down , I hope you have a friend that you can talk to also , its hard to understand if you haven’t had experience of though ,

Yeah sadly his dr told me aboht 10 years to get to this stage he admitted 3 bottles of wine a day before he went in hospital but for how long i dont know thatbi never found out plus lager that i saw him drinking i had no idea about the wine which was mainly rose and some white i dont even know wine maybe he didnt either yes all the money too no wonder we were in a mess its like he is out of his suffering now but ots always the ones left behind isnt it
Im not from where i live now so dont have any of my family nearby but do have some good friends
have you heard of alanon? its for people that have been affected by someone elses drinking i phoned but was unable to get to a meeting you might find it helpful
Take care x

well my friend was sent home from hospital I realise now they must have said to him that they could do no more for him , id spoken to him in hospital & he said it was like prison because of no visitors a family member had collected him and took him home & left him to his own devises
I didn’t realise then when I rang him at home ,said to him hows things’’ oh im alright ’ what about food stuff’ oh my neighbours going up to the shop for me, also somone eles’’ I didn’t go over that week as my car was being service , I wish very much now id gone over before the last weds I saw him , in my hart I feel guilty for not realising that the end was coming & also no one had checked on what was happening which I realise now hed come home to die hed no food in no energy to get anything even stand up ,so thats why I found him in such a state the following wed , I did contact his family thurs saying I was concerned , the last time I talked was Saturday night , I thought he was mixed up and wish now id gone over , but id been working & he was a good hour away , so feel guilty again , also when u read up about the final stages of alcoholism , hed got it all no energy, shortness of breath, not eating , even the swollen feet , wish id read up on it before , id talked for him for years but his decline this year I would wish on anyone , I did my best at the time but sometime your best isnt enough as I work full time &nothing as been easy with covid from shopping to even getting a hair cut , I wish so very much wish hed told me he was in the latter stages & dying he was so supportive when my mother died,
Also though I realise from your post your partner had been a secret drinker & managed to conceal it from you living in the same house how good they are at concealing things ,
yes they are both not suffering now -and in honesty I don’t think they would want us suffering there tragic loss & the turmoil they have caused , for you stability & financial & bringing up your child alone if only hed knew the consequences of his actions ,
I haven’t herd of Alanon I will look it up but expect it will be difficult due to covid again
,im sorry your family aren’t close , try & talk to friends over a coffee its a release of sorts a bit like this community,I think in the end its coming to terms with it ,and acceptance don’t think we will ever make sense of it but always feel that alcohol as taken somone dear to us before there time --, -

Hello again, Richard2,
I hope that you are feeling better today, my saying that you should not feel guilty is daft. Guilt is a part of grieving, when my brother died I felt guilty that we hadn’t offered him a home with us. I discussed this with Stan afterwards and he said that he wouldn’t have minded at all having my brother here for a few months. His marriage was very rocky and the last time I saw him he told me that he was thinking of splitting. I felt guilty when Stan died as I have said, I found him on our bedroom floor, I wasn’t with him, I had gone across the road to ask a medically trained friend to come and take a look at him. I was too late, he had gone by this time, these feelings are easing and I am sure that your’s will too.
Take care, stay safe,

My partner came home in march i asked his dr if he should have come out that she said he was stable ebough to he had been in 7 wks not sleeping getting down couldnt habe visitors for the last couple of weeks i think it was because of covid he wanted to be home his eating had picked but he was still weak and hardly able to walk
He did well at first when he came home was eating ok and managjng to come downstairs in the daytime but then he wouldnt eat but no i know he couldnt because all the fluid had built up again dr said he must have been feeling rough but he wouldnt say i know h3 didnt want to be a burden and at the time i was angry that i was caring for him because of what je had done he was scared to go back in hospital he didnt eant to die he thought he was going to get better even though the dr didnt say what stage how long she didnt know he was never told he was going to die but i knew he wouldnt see this year out but still came as a shock i only thought he would need another chest drain which he had but his blood wasnt clotting he had varicoes no protein you did all you ciuld for your friend dont ever feel guilty its a terrible ilness and there is nothing you can do until they admit it themselves some do my partner did but too late x

Hi Mary , iv been at work today so lifted by the people I work with , but its the night time thats getting me as soon as I get my head down I just go over & over stuff just not at peace , came down in the early hours for a hot drink , im not sure if the funeral will just be a family affair as here in Notts new measures are being put in place , I alway said to my friend im not attending your funeral as your death is self inflicted ! but I will go if im able to say goodbye , he as left a hole already as id phone him after lunch & tea time , I always made him tex me in the morning just to make suer he was ok its about adapting ,yes we all have regrets ,I can tell your a very kind lady & would have done your very best for everyone , regards Richd

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hi my friend hated the hospital said it was like being in prison , that was the second week of sept & due to covid no visitors , I can well understand you partner wanting to come home from hospital theres nothing like your own bed & home comfort-
yes im not sure about this fluid build up my friend was always saying he was bloated,
its really hard when I look back thinking that he just couldn’t eat due to his condition & why he couldn’t do much around the house or garden I did get on to my friend about stuff mainly eating so I understand your anger at your partner , its really difficult when you see such a radicle weigh lost in a person ,
well iv concluded that my friend didn’t tell his family
the doctor or my friend had discharge himself as they could do no more for him , ( I don’t know that for sure) i wish now id sat with him the last time I saw him & talked rather than dashing about doing stuff I thought important at the time, I can’t totally understand you shock as your partner was so young & you would expect the doctor would be able to pull him through with his youth on his side ,I think im just trying to make sense of it all in my head , but maybe I never will–ps I looked up ALanon yes they have group meets in Nottm normally all welcome but things have changed due to the covid situation but thank u for telling me

Yeah the eating with my partner was probably due to the fluid can understand now even though at the time i kept having a go for him not eating or getting out of bed its only cos i wanted him to get better but he was so ill
I was with my partner when he passed away whether he knew i was there or not im not sure but glad i was able to have his last 2 nights at rhe hosp with him
My head has been mashed for all of this year ill never understand why or how long and thats something i just have to learn to live with im.not doing too bad this last week
Im glad you looked into alanon i think there are fb groups too i just cannot get to one here as donr drive and have my daughter or i would. Xķ

hi im on a late night tea again!, well we are not trained doctors or nurses and unless wed had other experiences of alcoholism we are not to know , I knew my friend was an alcoholic & may be I should have read up on it more in advance of his death as I knew from the beginning of the year he was on a down would slope
for yourself you had very little warning & your daughter as well to care for,
trying to comprehend it all is so difficult as we have always things to deal with also in life like the normal run of the mill stuff -along with other problems that tend to crop up all to often ,
for me id had my late mums house to empty not an easy task as she just loved stuff or was bought stuff , this is just an example before she died I counted the mugs in her cupboard she"d got nearly 40 ! I said to her mum your a lady on your own why do you need 40 mugs ! ,
we all get on to the people we love & care about , (don’t we?)
It was good that you were able to be with your partner before he died Im sure he would have known you were with him & he wasn’t alone , I think after someone dies close to us we re live it all so many times what could we have done differently we did what we thought best at the time, think its our brains way of trying to make sense of it which im not sure if I will or not ,!
but in the end its about acceptance ( things we can’t change no matter how much we would like them to ) & trying to move on & live our lives which is easy said than done
,I pleased you have had a better week, a colleague at work several months before me lost his mum & at the same time separated from his wife , said to me "Richd you’ll have a lot of bad days & you will have good days gradually the good days are more than the bad ",Which is totally true I was just coming to terms with the death of mum that took me a year -( if thats the right expression ) but this again as upset my life again and I have to rebuild somehow , for me as im now getting on reminds me to enjoy life more & not to rush about doing stuff that sometimes is not as important as we think at the time,
talking always helps I work in a large office with a diverse people of all ages & back grounds things crop up on a daily basis spits fall outs , but when my mum died I was really amazed how everyone supported me in so many ways from the biggest fella giving me a Hug people putting there arm round me even a lady well lets say we always rub each other up the wrong way told me all about her loss of her parents _Why did they support me ----- because they had all been there in the darkest of places in some way all having some form of loss themselves-----

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I hope you are doing ok my dad passed away 4 yeats ago my partner passed away on the anniversary of his funeral (strange how things happen on certain days)
So not easy
I feel a bit morw at peace this last week but have things to keep me.occupied which helps alot now and has stopped my head going round and round and the images of him when he passed away however it has hit me we are not here forever trying to not think about it but cant help it

I’m so sorry Richard. I lost my partner of 23 years to alcohol 4 years ago. And I still feel guilt that I didnt do more or could have been more understanding if I had done more research, even though I spent 20 years asking him to get help over and over again. And people told me he had been lucky to have me and there was nothing I could do etc. Etc. All that is true. But the guilt is still there. I think I have just accepted now that feeling that guilt is just something I have to accept for the rest of my life and that it will come and go. You may find a few sessions in your local Al Anon group will help you realise that the disease of addiction is far more powerful than you could have battled and won. There are loads of Zoom Al Anon meetings across the world. Virtual hugs to you.

So sorry you lost your partner too to alcohoo dont feel guilty you tried your best i had no idea my partners drinking had spiralled out of control he hid it very well he admitted the problem was too late damage was done if only sooner and thats what hurts that he didnt admit and get help sooner for the sake of our daughter now 12 that told me when he was in hosp he had been drinking around her when they went out on walks and he told her not to tell me it hurts so much but 16 wks on monday i am starting to feel a little more at ease i cannot change things despite everything i still love him always will but think i will always be hurt and angry he left me this way
You can read some of my posts above xx

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To you all that have lost dear friends and family to Alchol,I have lost a niece to it as far as I know still alive but nobody knowes where she is,having lost my sister and brother in law, the story ends.
but just wanted to say what you all did was what we have done been to AA meetings over her,but was told nothing we could do went in many drying out clinics had more than her share of NHS but until she wants to give it up it will not happen.
They lie not only to you but to the selfs, so please don’t any of you feel guilty you could do no more,the professional s could not help her so what could we do.


So sorry
But yes your right i dont feel guilty because i didnt know what he was doing its a horrible addiction it really is x

I lost my husband 8 weeks ago to alcoholic liver failure, and I am struggling. I always knew he was drinking too much but I didn’t think it was enough to kill him. We both liked a drink and always joked the drink would take us, but it didn’t end up being a joke. He was vomiting for a long time every day but wouldn’t see the doctor. Then we noticed that he was getting quite breathless, especially when going up the stairs, he was also so tired and just wanted to sleep all the time and had no energy to do anything. Then one of his ankles swelled up and he started turning yellow so at that point he rung the doctor, when he described his symptoms he was told to go straight to urgent care. He was admitted to hospital and passed away two weeks later, he was too far gone, his liver was too damaged.
I am lost without him, don’t know what to do with myself. Don’t want to be here, he was my world.

Let us turn this suffering into guidance and counseling for the community, after that anyone who quits alcohol is an increase in happiness for us, for example we produce a YouTube video about its harm and losses

hello , im so very sorry for your loss -I know there is nothing I can say or do to ease your pain - its is 2weeks today that my dear friend died , he had been drinking for all the years id known him ,He had all the characteristics that you described the last time I saw him I wish I had read up on them before but as usual we are wiser after an event , He was a kind thoughtful man ,& a dear friend I spoke to him at least 2 /3 times aday , i knew that there was nothing I could do to stop him from drinking his addiction was far to strong , I still work & have been really busy coming home tired , but it still hasn’t stopped me thinking & missing him so much & wishing for a different out come ,I know its hard when I say he was a friend for people to understand when they have lost a partner or husband , the grief iv felt -
so I can only imagine yours is a lot worse , the worse time for me is night time not sleeping & just not at peace, I totally understand your feeling lost iv lost all interest in things & can’t concentrate but iv tried each day to do at least one job be it inside or out ,Iv also found that going for walks in the fresh air helps me - the shock of a dear loved one turns our world upside down -