I lost my Dad at Christmas, I never ever expected to loose him. I thought it would be when he was old and grey, I never expected that myself at 25 and my sister at 22 would loose our dad at the age of 48. He was a fantastic dad, he was basically both my parents in one, I have never been close to my mum as such, we have never gotten on. So I always had my dad, he came to every parents evening, every performance I did and he was always around for us no matter what. We lost him suddenly and without warning, it happened so quick and he didn’t go in pain. It gives me comfort to know that he didn’t go in any pain, he was kind, caring and loved his family. He was an animal man, he worked at an animal sanctuary and he was head keeper, his love and sense of wonder for animals took my sister and I to a passion for animals of our own. My dad had so much to live for and I feel like I will never understand or come to terms with the fact he is gone. He will never get to chat to me about his day, he won’t be at my wedding or to see his first grandchildren. I lost my dad and I wasn’t ready. Does anyone else ever feel like that?
Absolutely i feel like this. I lost my Dad in October 22, I am 28 with a 4 year old. As you say, I too thought I would have my Dad until he was old and grey & he also died suddenly, so we had no warning whatsoever and no chance to say goodbye.
I would like to say, in terms of time and it getting “easier”, is that in my experience (and I know everyone is different), for me it was very hard around Christmas/2 month mark. I went back to work but then basically had a breakdown/was depressed so stayed home again, could barely function during the day, couldnt get my son to school on time and crying most if not all days.
Im now two months on from that (and four months on total) and I do feel differently somehow. I obviously miss my Dad and feel about him constantly (bar my partner and son he was my favourite person and I loved him so so much) but equally I am now back to work, am able to concentrate, and am back to my “normal” self ie keeping busy and planning things.
As I said, everyone is different so it may take you longer, and when everyone used to say to me “time is healer/it gets better with time” or similar, I used to get angry or confused, but with experience, and I dont know how, but it does.
One thing that did help me is just letting myself feel how I wanted to feel. If I wanted to cry all day, I did. If I was better one day then not the next, no problem I didnt beat myself up over it. I wasnt going “backwards”, with grief you kind of go up and down, and you just have to work yourself through this.
I wish you all the best xxxx