I lost my Michelle in June this year. One of the many things I cant cope with is that we were constantly arguing for months and I treated her so bad we would say horrible things to each other. I knew we would make up in the end we always did.
I last saw her at 9pm then when I woke up at 2am she had gone.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your fiancé Michelle. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
My experience of grief has included guilt, I tended to go over every argument we ever had, the things I’d said in anger etc… normal relationships have times where there’s conflict, also remember that we as humans are not perfect, where not perfect partners, what helps is to think what would Michelle say to you if she knew how you were feeling? What if you had died & she felt like this what would you say to her?
I hope that others will come along & give you some advice? I’m sure there are lots of people on here who can help out with this?
I think we can never know the future. maybe you were not meant for one another with so much fighting.
regardless, you are human. it did not lead to her death, I am sure. your only guilt is bad temper and not getting along. that is NOT a SIN. it is life.
your relationship was normal. maybe not good but many couples fight. maybe they are not meant to say together.
I would get counseling and fight this guilt. she would not want you to be ridden by this guilt all your life.