Loosing my grandma - a long story!

Losing a grandparent
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My grandma was everything to me. I ended up living with her from the age of 8, she was my safe place and grounded me.

I can’t even put into words how much she meant to me, she was so special, nurturing and just downright amazing.

She taught me so many lessons, patience, kindness & compromise.

she gave me stability and security, not just financially, but emotionally as well. When everything was up in the air, she was always there to ground me. I’ve suffered with mental health problems for as long as I can remember. I have OCD and anxiety (diagnosed) and in the process of doing ‘right to choose’ (adhd and asd) assessments. So I’ve always been a complex brain.

Grandma died on 24th October 2023. We’d only found out she was poorly in the August. She was 69 years old. I always felt lucky to have young grandparents and feel like she’s been robbed from me too soon.

ever since she’s died, my life has totally changed, my ability to maintain friendships and jobs is non existent, my relationship with my grandad is gone, my anxiety and residue mental health problems are more present, I was on my way to having a career in teaching beforehand, but ended up having panic attacks every morning after she’d gone.

I’ve been through 4 different jobs since and can barely hold them down. I just feel depressed, I long for her everyday and still can’t really think about her without getting irrationally upset.

I am super lucky to have what I do, I have a roof over my head, a supportive and loving fiance (we’ve been together since we were 18), my mum and dad are there also, I have three younger siblings who I love and my cats, also my grandmas brother (great uncle) - so my support network isn’t small by any means, they’re just not my grandma :frowning: I feel awful and guilty for saying that, but I just miss her so much.

It’s getting on for 2 1/2 years since it happened, but I still don’t feel any better than I did. Everyone else seems to have moved on.

One of the worst parts is my grandad (grandma and pops were married 52 years) has decided to run off with a women 20+ years younger than him and he has cut off the family. Am I’m also grieving that relationship. Everything that I once knew has fallen apart.

It doesn’t help that I have anxiety surrounding the current world climate and my ocd causes terrible intrusive thoughts.

I feel like I’m rambling at this point but hopefully it can resonate with some people, I don’t know.

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Hi Catvb I can see you very upset about your grandma have you seen a therapist to deal with these issues? Life isn’t easy and it often comes down to ourselves to make changes. Your grandma was a great woman and you must have some of that in you. As you said she brought you up in many ways. Nothing is easy but if you try taking small steps doing things you find difficult each day, you’ll be able to build on that to become more confident. You have so much to work for, your family , partner and your grandma, to make her proud. Don’t worry about your grandfather he’ll eventually come round.
Wishing you all the strength you need
Tom

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Hi there,

Thank you so much for your response it is really appreciated. I took the leap today and referred myself to talking therapies. I’ve had the realisation that I really need to take the right steps for my mental health.

You are right, my grandma definitely wouldn’t want me moping around. It’s just crazy that 2 1/2 years have past and I still feel the same,

I read somewhere that deep grief comes from deep love, so it’s the price you pay

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