8th October 2022 I got out of bed and had a phone call to tell me all my mums house was tapped of the police the ambulance was their, so I rushed through thinking she had been hurt or something was wrong with the house to find out my mum who was only 49 had passed away in the garden trying to leave for work it took months for us to find out the reason to my mums death which came back to cognitive heart failure which was news to us all as my mum had no symptoms or was not poorly it was very sudden and such a shock to us all the next year was such a struggle and still is now it had ripped my family apart and I was unable to function at all for the first time u had had a mental breakdown where to the point my life had stopped I miss my mum and each and everyday but I couldn’t deal with the pain how ever I got myself back on my feet got back in a good place and my children helped me through it all now all of a sudden my dad passed away on Christmas day very suddenly no warning again he was only 50 just this week we found out he died from the same as my mum I sit here so scared every day that I’m going to go back in to the place I did when I lost my mum I already feel a lost soul struggling to do day to day routine I was in college and stopped until the funreal which is this week but I’m so scared I miss them both so dearly and this pain is so painful words couldn’t describe it makes me feel a failure as a mum like I’m letting my children down again like I’m no longer coping and sleeping my life away my partner is doing everything I normally would and I really don’t know what to do anymore to get through this I’m so fed up of dealing with this pain and weakness inside I don’t know what to do I’d never give up and leave my children without me cause I couldn’t leave them with this pain in suffering that on it’s own makes me feel so trapped never did I imagine that by the time of been 28 would both of my parents be gone it makes me feel so alone in this world 
I’m so sorry for your losses, @amberj. It sounds like you are doing your very best to cope with such a lot of pain. Please do try to be gentle with yourself - grief is hard work and you are coping with losing two of the most important people in your life in such a short space of time. It’s completely understandable that sometimes it all feels too much.
You are not alone - many of our members have lost their parents and will understand some of what you’re going through.
Do you think some extra support might be helpful right now? It might be a good idea to make an appointment with your GP and talk through how you’re feeling. If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. The sessions are held by video chat.
You can also reach out to one of the following organisations who are always just a call or text away anytime you would like someone to talk to:
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard.
Take care,
Seaneen