It has been just over a year since my mum passed. Being diagnosed with pancreatic Cancer and being told had 2 to 4 months at most with chemo. To then pass in my arms 8 days later. I had a very small amount of experience of palliative care and nothing could prepare me for seeing my mum pass. For the first few days I was giving mum pain meds orally to then finally the hospice at home getting mum onto a syringe driver. I cry often for what mum went through. There was some heart wrenching moments. I miss her terribly and every now and again my brain let’s me realise she not here anymore. My days are hard and I’m not the same. My body is tired. We had a strained relation ship but we were good before mum passed. Mum from her generation rarely said she loved me. She got a blanket made with lovely words. Il never forget the day she cried when I read it. I will never forget watching my mum be so brave whilst facing he passing. I don’t feel people understand. I’m greatful mum got to pass at home with her children there. The scattering of mums ashes was traumatic as my brother was cruel and rushed the whole thing.
I was asked to scatter the final parts of mums ashes and I’m desperate to travel to sit where she was released. However life won’t let me and I can feel my head and heart almost sinking into depression. I’m awaiting support from cruse as I need to speak to people through simular. This is why I’ve come on here so we can support eachother and maybe pass on the things that have helped me aswell as person Al experience
Hi, sorry your grief journey is so difficult for you at this time. It’s a brutal experience, losing a parent because they are your anchor in life and your first relationship with unconditional love. My Mum also died and a post mortem revealed she had metastatic pancreatic cancer. We didn’t know and she had obviously been hiding any pain or symptoms from us. I often think about her last weeks, she had her birthday and we all celebrated but she seemed frail and distanced. She collapsed and died on her driveway after a shopping trip, she wasn’t discovered until the next morning by her neighbour. I’ve tortured myself with her sad ending but in some ways I am grateful she didn’t have a slow, lingering death in a hospital. I’m now trying hard to keep going in the way she would want me to. It’s not easy, there are days when I am filled with grief and in a fog of gloom. All we can do is to go with our feelings and get through the days as best we can. Best wishes, take care xx
Hi thankyou for sharing your personal experience.
I hope you are well and living life how your mum wanted you to.
I was doing the same and getting on with life the best I could. It is over 2 yrs now and experiencing loss more than I had for a while
I now have my step dad facing stage 3 cancer and I get awful flashbacks to when she got the news and when I cared for mum at eol
I hope you got good help for your loss
My mum was also strong like yours and hid alot of the pain before even being diagnosed. My mum said it was just like a stomach ache at first.
I’m sorry your mum passed without you there. That would of hurt me to.
It also was horrible to see her reduced to being bed ridden for the last week
It’s a horrible memory and it disturbs my grief
I’m now moving forward a bit and remembering the good parts and mum at her best. There are always flashes of the eol.
All we can do is be kind to self and acknowledge the feelings
I’m in a good relation ship but I hide when I feel like crying or feel so down.
Coz no one can truly understand unless they have lost a parent.
Isolated feelings are big. That is why I’ve come back on. So can speak with people about there journey