Loosing My mum too soon

Losing a parent
1

I lost my mum in December 2023. It’s almost been a year, and I don’t think Iv taken a second to process it, Iv tried, but I just can’t bring myself to come to terms with what has happened. A couple of months after it happened I went back to work, started renovating the house & went on lots of trips and holidays, Iv kept myself busy for months and months, and my brain now won’t allow me to be sad,
But it doesn’t feel healthy, For the first few months I cried particularly at night, I would think of the times in hospital and what happened, how it all came to an end. But now my mind won’t allow me to think of them things, I can’t cry anymore, I struggle to look at photos of her when she was poorly or during the time she had the cancer.
I can only bring myself to look at her when she was well… I think I’m in denial.
I don’t want to burden the people around me by always bringing her up, but I want to talk about her, I’m so angry at the fact she was taken from me, too soon & suddenly.

I love to fix things and this is something I just can’t fix.

I lay awake at night watching tv or thinking of something completely normal & it suddenly pops into my mind ‘mums not here anymore’
And I get flutters in my chest and start to panic.
I have to drift my mind to think of something else quickly to stop myself from having a panic attack.

My mind won’t allow me to grieve or cry anymore because the thought is too painful.

Does anyone else relate? Is this normal?

1 Like
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Hiya. Im sorry for your loss. I can relate totally to what you are saying. For me its been 9 months since my mum died, she was fit and well and died suddendly and unexpectedly so its been so hard to accept. I too get anxious when i think about it so i try and avoid it. Ive realised i need to address it so am starting bereavement counselling next week. I know its going to hurt like hell but i need to accept things and try and deal with it all. Maybe you should consider counselling too?

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Hi @Lauren2,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.

Here are a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

This article may also be helpful to show that what you’re experiencing is normal and there is support and resources out there.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Abi