Loosing my mum - What happens now?

I thought I would come on here as an out let really, I struggle to talk to people and hide the way I’m feeling rather than just let it out.
I lost my mum to Cancer on the 13th September 2019 - after her being diagnosed on my birthday in January 2019.
I have never lost anyone before, as I was only 25 when she passed, she was the first person in my life to ever pass away.
I was with her at the hospital with her when she got admitted and every day for the last 2 weeks and watched her slowly get worse to the point were she couldn’t talk or move.
After the funeral, clearing the bungalow etc, it suddenly hit me, that I had lost my mum, and I was never going to see her again? should I of said more? should I have done more ?

Its now February, and I still can’t shake these feelings, I can go through some days were I have happy thoughts etc, but then it will creep behind me and catch me and then all i can think about is bad thoughts such as the fact I will never see her again or smell the bungalow etc.

I cant seem to shake that of? Can anyone help?


Hi dorose
I’m sorry you lost your mum. It really is the worst thing.
I’m 48 and lost my lovely mum suddenly in june. She died shortly after a routine operation so no time to prepare for anything like this.
When I was 27 my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. It was only my mum that got me through.
I think you should remember that its only 5 months since you lost your mum. It no time at all. I’m permanently down and sad and miss my mum so much and I’m approaching the 8 month mark.
Something as huge as losing our mums is going to take a long time to come to terms with.
You are not alone.
Cheryl x

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Thank you for replying :slight_smile:
im so sorry about your mum and dad. hugs
Its just such a huge change, from seeing her 3 times a week and speaking to her every day on the phone, from going to nothing its just so strange.
It really pains me to think I will never see her again- I think thats what keeps bugging me about it - it would be so much easier if we could write letters to were ever they are :slight_smile:


Yes that’s what can bring me to floods of tears. “I’ll never see her again” it’s so hard. The guilt is slowly subsiding. The i should haves and could haves. It does come back now and then. But I try not to dwell and just think of the good times. It’s been nearly 6 months for me. I miss her so much

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Im so sorry for your loss too jooles.
Its such a hard thing to go through - the only thing that gets me through it, is knowing shes no longer in pain.
but then the selfishness comes over me and all I want to do is see her again xx

Yes it is a comfort. No more pain. And at peace. That’s how I think of my mum. And no longer frightened. Still want her here though. Mum had cancer too. She was diagnosed two days before she died.

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I thinks the fact that none of us knows what death entails.
What happens afterwards? Are they around? Or is that just it?
I feel very robbed and devastated that our time together is over. In particular that she wont see her beloved granddaughter grow older than 12.
Jooles…my guilt is subsiding too. I did so much for my mum. I think it must just be a natural feeling. Drowning in guilt at first but now easing, just to be replaced with intense sadness and hopelessness


Yeah, I would love to know!
If shes up there watching or is it just an eternal sleep?
I agree with you there, I don’t have kids yet, but she would of been such an amazing grandma!

I think You know I loved her so much and I showed her I loved her. I have regrets but that’s life. Also there is a difference which helps.
Guilt. Is a conscious act of doing something wrong
Regret: wishing you had done something differently.
We all have regrets. We are only human. Hindsight is a wonderful thing

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Dorose, I sorry for the loss of your Mum. I lost my Mum suddenly in October from pneumonia and a heart attack.
I believe I will see Mum again, but that we will both be in a different form. I have to believe it.
I’m glad you’ve found these forums, as the people are lovely. Take care.

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Hi dorose
I lost my mum 4 weeks ago tomorrow morning at 6 am (I hate fri night/sat morning now). I’m on the rollercoaster of grief but one of the things that I have started doing (it’s very personal to me and for my eyes only) but I brought an a4 day to a page diary and I write to her every day telling her if I have had a crap day/tearful/ok day and I find it helps. Just thought I would mention it to you when you said I wish I could write to her.
Stay strong
Mary x