Loosing my mum

Hi, I know it’s early days but my mum passed away on Sunday, it’s so hard to process, I saw her in Wednesday and she was doing so much better, I just can’t understand it, even though I know the cause it’s hard to think how quickly her condition changed. She developed a hepatoma which caused other complications, my friend has just said she could only get that from a fall, then it occurred to me she did fall and now it’s all I can think about, I miss her so much and keep expecting her to text me :cry:

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Hey, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It must’ve been quite a shock if she deteriorated quickly so I think it will take a bit more time to process it, and I would say not to put too much pressure on yourself about when/how to grieve because it’s really different for everyone. I lost my mum 15 days ago to pancreatic cancer and she too went downhill very suddenly. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real then other times it takes my breath away and I’ve got this horrible empty feeling deep inside. I’ve found trying to keep some kind of routine helpful, as well as talking and writing. I understand what you’re saying about expecting her to text you too, it’s our brains struggle to accept that they aren’t here xx

Thank you for your reply, I’m so sorry for your loss too. What you’ve said is how I feel too, I’m so lost and just feel empty, I’ve a 2 and 4 year old too so find it hard sometimes as I just want to curl up in bed and cry.

She did so much for us and really was the one holding us together xx

That must be tough with your kids being so young too. Do they understand what has happened? I have twins who are 7 and I’m finding it hard to help them with their own grief whilst also dealing with my own. Aw, she sounds just like what a mummy should be. Mine was the same, and now I don’t feel like I appreciated it enough. Have you started to make funeral arrangements? I found that all very surreal too xx

It’s hard to not think of the ‘what ifs’ isn’t it? I know they know how much they meant to us and how much we appreciated everything they did.

That sounds so tough, grieving is hard when you’re trying to support/look after others too.

My 4 year old was heart broken when we told him, he doesn’t really understand fully but has been talking about death a lot lately so knows she’s not there, my 2 year old doesn’t understand at all so will say she’s going to grandmas and grandads, she is helping to make my dad smile, they were together nearly 60 years so he’s really struggling,

Yes we’ve been arranging the funeral, my dad kept breaking down, never realised there was so much to think about, I have an older sister who is doing a lot of the sorting. The funeral isn’t until 11th January so it feels like we can’t properly grieve.

I’m trying to plan Christmas for the kids but it’s hard to think about anything else.


You’re right, deep down I know I did the best I could but you always question these things.
Hopefully it’s better that your youngest one is quite unaware for now but I’m sure like mine your oldest will have many questions. It seems to be hard for them to get their heads around the permanence od it all (to be fair I’m finding that hard too so I don’t blame them!).
I’m glad you have family around you to help with arrangements and to support, but I can understand the not being able to grieve thing - mums funeral is next week but that will have been almost 4 weeks. Feels like torture. I hope you can find some comfort in spending quality time with the kids doing some Christmas stuff, even though it’s hard to focus on anything else. Don’t feel guilty for doing that though xx

Hi, my eldest doesn’t really ask too many questions, he did at first but now doesn’t mention it. It must be so hard with two 7 year olds, they must have so many questions, and Miss seeing her. I’m not even sure my 2 will remember my mum, which kills me.

It definitely is torture, there’s so much to sort out isn’t there?!

I hope you’re children are helping you too, and you can enjoy some quality time with them xx