Loosing my mum

So my mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer last year but she was so positive would always say she would beat it, she ended up in a hospice and still was adimant she was going to beat it, after a few weeks stay in a hospice they wanted to discharge her in november 22 to go home to die as she was given till jan 2023 before she would need to be in a hospice she was only in there because of complications with her tumour as she had throat cancer and it was hard for her to breathe, she had booked a home visit to see how she would cope at home. But it was the worse thing that could of happened 48hours after her home visit my mum worsened to the point she was sedated because of her struggling to breathe and we got a call to get her as her condition has worsened 2 hours after i got there she passed, i never got to talk to her well i did but i dont no if she could hear me. I just held her hand and told her it would be ok and her family was around her and how much i love her. She never had a funeral she had a pure cremation so there was no funeral or get together so we have her ashes but she dosent want to be scattered yet but its so hard i feel like theres no closure no place to go and visit her. I have so many emotions trapped inside me but dont no how to get them out. She was 59 and im 32 i just dont no what to do without her


Hello @Bobbie1990, thanks for so bravely reaching out and sharing your feelings with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. Many of our members have experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you’re going through.

Although your mum was ill, it sounds like her death was very sudden and unexpected, and, alongside not having a funeral, you feel like you haven’t been able to gain any closure. Grief can bring a huge range of emotions for us all, and we all grieve in different ways. You say that you feel like your emotions are trapped and you don’t know how to get them out.

Our Grief Guide self-help platform has some tools that may help you in releasing some of the emotions that you’re feeling right now. You might want to try creating a journal, which you can use in any way you want to. Some people find it helpful to use a journal as a way to talk to their loved one. Or others find it a way to express how they are feeling.

Another tool there that you might want to look at is our Memory Box tool. You mention that you haven’t scattered your mum’s ashes yet so you have no place to visit her. It may be that creating a memory box can give you a space to go to when you want to feel close to your mum. We have a blog on how to make a memory box which can guide you through it.

I hope you find some of these suggestions helpful. Please do keep reaching out here, and know you are not alone.

Take care,

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