I’ve just lost my mum the end of last week and I feel so lost.
My dad died 3 years ago and not long after my mum was diagnosed with PSP a progressing illness which robbed her of mobility, speech and eventually swallowing. She was just a shell of her former self and I felt totally helpless.
I felt I coped well with my dads death but this time the realisation of having no parents left has hit me hard - I am now an orphan, head of the family and not sure what to do.
I need to occupy myself this week with funeral arrangements but all I want to do is go to bed and sleep as that’s the only time everything is ok.
I know I should be grateful that she’s no longer suffering and she will be back with my dad.
The other thing I feel massively guilty about is not being there in her last moments - I left at 12.15am and the care home nurses said they wud ring if any change, I got a call at 3.30am saying she had gone. I spent nearly the full day with her listening to her fave music, creating a relaxing atmosphere with a diffuser in her room, massaging her hands and forehead, and every day up to it but the crucial moment I wasn’t there 
So sorry for your loss, my mum died a few weeks ago,I have never experienced anything like what I’m feeling now. I always thought that loosing my mum would be massive but could never have imagined how weird this grief is….ever changing! I’d say definitely sleep whist you can.I slept ok at the beginning.
I stayed with my mum, held her hand,stroked her hair, we listened to her favourite music and watched her favourite films (she listened)……I believe both of our mums knew we were there,and would have loved the things we did….I wasn’t with her when she died either….But I’m so grateful for the time we had, I hope you find some comfort, maybe she waited until you’d gone to feel that she could leave….
Im so sorry for your loss, I lost my mam in 2018 and it still hurts deeply. I spent all day every day with her for more than two weeks and went home to rest. She died the evening we all left. I think she waited so she didn’t upset us more-I imagine yours did the same. Please dont feel guilty, she knew you loved her more than anything. Sending you love and light to see you through this awful time. Im always around if you need a chat. Take care lovely xx