I’m not sure what I want from this but I thought writing down what’s happened might help me in some way. My mum passed away yesterday; we were very close and I’m devastated. She started chemotherapy in June which caused her to have a heart attack. The heart failure was awful but she made it out of hospital in August, the support from the hospital and social services was poor and she ended up going back in to hospital in September. The care was awful and at one point we were asked to come in and say goodbye as she only had hours left; I stayed with her and she pulled through, although we were told she only had days left. The palliative team became involved and moved her to a small local hospital so they could help manage her symptoms and make her comfortable. Slowly and against all the odds, she began to improve, her mobility increased and almost all her outward symptoms went away. The staff were lovely and I think that helped so much. The doctors said that she had improved so much that it was equally likely that she might decline or improve to the point of independent living. We started going out for coffee, shopping, going to specsavers, all normal things that a few months ago seemed impossible. I tried to stay realistic but this last week I really started to believe that this awful period was over. We picked out a nursing home on Friday, somewhere she could continue to recover with support. On Sunday we went to Starbucks (she wanted a toastie and coffee) and then we went back to the hospital and she decorated a gingerbread house with my daughter. The last thing she said was love you to my daughter and thank you to me for taking her out. I took some photos on Sunday and remember looking at them when I got home, thinking how well she looked. Then Monday morning I got a call at 5am to say she had passed way; she’d got up to go to the loo at 4am, had a laugh and joke with the staff and gone back to sleep, they checked on her just before 5am and she had gone.
I feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me; she had improved so much and we had so many plans. It’s like I was given her back for a few weeks only to have her snatched away from us. I go through moments of feeling completely numb, to feeling like my chest is being crushed and I’ll never stop crying, there are seconds where I think I can visit her and realise that I can’t.
I have my partner and daughter, who were also very close to my mum, but I can’t help be feel alone. All I want is for my mum to hug me and tell me everything will be ok, I can’t bare the thought of not seeing her again
So sorry for your loss. I hope that by joining this forum you find comfort and helpful advise if you need it. I’ve found the people on here so thoughtful,kind and warm it’s really got me through some horrible days.
The loss of a parent rocks your whole foundation and the feelings you are having are completely normal. Keep posting and sharing your story if it helps, and have a look through the other posts….x
Hello @Lizzie21. I am so sorry for your loss. Life can seem so cruel sometimes. My mum passed 4 weeks ago tomorrow - suddenly and unexpectedly. The shock and disbelief, took at least 10 days to give way to the reality of what had happened.
This is so soon for you and a shock also. No words of wisdom because we can’t outsmart the grief and sadness (as I know unfortunately).
It will be such a difficult time but there are many lovely and understanding people here to chat to, day or night. We are all grieving, so lots of genuine compassion here.
Sending hugs and strength to you and share whenever you feel you need to x
So sorry for your loss . I too lost my father this year. It is so hard for people to understand how painful loosing a parent is. I thought i was the only one feeling this unbearable pain and loniness but i have learned from this site sharing emotions however we are feeling, helps Big hugs to you and your family x
So sorry for your loss. It was a bit like that with my dad too, he got better and I had hope and then he took a turn for the worse. It was excruciating. It helps a little being on this forum and having others who understand.
Hi @Lizzie21 I understand exactly what you mean. My mum had lung cancer and was only 4 days away from starting her cancer treatment when she suffered a stroke. She was in hospital for weeks, fighting to get strong enough after her stroke to start her treatment. It was so up and down, there were really traumatic and scary days, but then there were incredible days that she was improving, and I really saw the light at the end of a really difficult tunnel, but one where she was having her physio, getting better, and having her cancer treatment which could have gave her many more years alive. But then one night everything changed. We went in the next day to be told she only had hours left, and I couldn’t process it. Surely not? She’d been improving? I fought and fought with the doctors to see what else they could do, but they said there was nothing. Her whole time in hospital was like emotional whiplash, you’d think it was going one way, then it goes catastrophicly another. It’s awful and devestating. But I was there for my mum and said lots of things to her in the hospital that I hadn’t before. It sounds like you had a really special day with your mum at the end, making gingerbread houses, that’s really something to cherish, and the words she said to you and your daughter. But I know what you mean, it’s so devestating, I too have cried and cried and cried and keep thinking it’s a mistake and she must be coming back. It’s truly awful, but people on here understand and are there to listen xx
@Woo4. I really do feel for you and for all of us.
We were all so lucky to have these amazing loved ones in our lives 
xxx
Emotional whiplash, that’s exactly how it felt. So sorry you’ve been through that too.