Loosing my mum

Last April my mum was dignosed with terminal pancreatic cancer 5 months later she was gone. I am 21 and can’t cope without her. She was my best friend, my main support my biggest fan. I can’t believe she will never watch me get married, have children and be there when I need her most.
I feel no one understands my pain none of my freinds get it as they have never been through it. I know the world keeps turning but I feel like mine has completely stopped I feel numb everyday I cry myself too sleep I wake up crying. I feel I’ll never be happy again. I know mum wants me to get on with life and keep making her proud but I’m tired of being strong. I feel like I’ve been strong for too long, all I want is a cwtch in bed with mum too tell her everything that I need from her and for her too tell me everything is gunna be okay. Life is so cruel I can’t get out my head how she’s not here my beautiful kind mum who gave her life for her children is just gone. I miss you so much mum. I would give anything absolutely anything too have you here with me now just to talk and touch you again. I know I’ll never see her again and I can’t live with it

Hi So sorry you have lost your Mum at such a time when you are so young. I lost my Mum when only 5 years old and then my Dad when I was 20. It was many many years ago but I still remember the pain. I know that not having her with you now that you are making your way in the world seems daunting but as she was such a great support for you as well as a friend have you thought that she has also given you the strength to live your life and be happy again one day. Please don’t give up. No one can understand how you feel because even in the same situation we all feel things differently no more not less but different. You will always miss her you will always love her. Nothing can change that. You have written some lovely words here that are to your Mum. Say them out loud to her whether or not you believe she can hear them. Your mum wants you to live the best life that you can but acceptance does not come quickly. You are on a journey and I do so hope that you can say to your mum. I love you I miss you I am still here and I am going to live the best I can Mum. Help me to find happiness. Take care darling and I hope you find some peace xxxx Bethany

Thank you so much for your kind words and so sorry for your losses xxxx

Hi Megan,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds as though things are very tough
and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been
able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out
there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone
about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s
bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to
counselling or other support services in your area.
We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This
is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from
home. There’s more information about this service here:
You deserve care and support so please, Megan, get in touch with one of
these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact
your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Take care,
Online Community team