It’s one month until my Nan’s 1 year without us , I haven’t been able grieve, i lived with my grandparents from age 5-15 so she was a mother figure to me , she raised me and 3 others to best she could but by the time i turned 15 our relationship was rocky and I had to leave and go into care , I still talked to her until I was 18 but another family drama kicked off and I was “kicked out” of the family for good and I tried to talk to them but they weren’t having any of it and cut contact with me , fast forward a few years I’m now 21 , I always check that’s side of my family’s facebook and out of no where everyone changed their profile picture to my nan , she was in hospital and she had passed away , I had 0 text or calls to let me know it wasn’t until I texted my dad and he had no choice but to tell me I also found out my grandad has dementia and wasn’t doing good either , they let me go to the funeral but 5 mins before I had to go I couldn’t , it’s not that I didn’t want to or that I didn’t care , I just didn’t want any drama kicking off if I were there . only a few weeks after they put my grandad into a care home and gave our childhood home back , (everything of my childhood there went in the bin) I feel like I’ve lost being that close to you, i didn’t get the chance to say I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to make it right i couldn’t even say goodbye, i can’t move on i don’t think i ever will ,I see you everywhere , I dream of you every night I just miss you so much Nan 
Hi JB I am sorry to hear you suffering. It is a shame that you didn’t have the opportunity to do all those things before your nan died but I believe that your nan is with you now and sees your heart, sees your repentance, sees your willingness to change and make her proud. She looked after you like a mum because she loved you and she wants the best for you. Life is short and flies by before you know take your Nan’s love and make her proud.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hello Jb03, so sorry for the loss of your Nan, and sorry you couldn’t be there when she passed. Im a grandma myself and I absolutely love my grandchildren , and im sure you Nan loved you too. You are still so young to have had so much drama in your life already, … I hope you are able to connect with your family…have you had grief counseling?? That can help you cope with your Nans passing ,i hope posting on here will help you express your feelings, we’re all here to listen and hopefully offer some advice ..take care of yourself and God bless you 