Loosing my partner

I lost my wonderful partner dave on the 21st September i also lost my brother on the 5th September he took his own life i feel numb and i cry myself to sleep everynight

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Hi @Gwen2,

I am so sorry for your loss. It must be absolutely devastating and feel utterly overwhelming.

But sadly, welcome to this forum. Do post whatever you feel and whenever. I suspect that you will find many who will know exactly what you are talking about. I don’t think there are any answers, no solutions I am afraid. But there is support and understanding to be found from the folk on this site.

Come January it will be two years since my gorgeous wife Christine died. I oscillate between feeling completely numb and detached from the world, and such profound sadness and loneliness. Yup, I know about weeping at nighttime.

Try to take care of yourself as best as you can. It will no doubt be extremely challenging at times. Try and get as much support as you can. It may be of some help to you.

Best wishes to you.

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Sorry for your loss and thank you for the message i feel so empty and angry my doctor gave me medication for anxiety iam so lost

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Hi @Gwen2
So sorry for the loss of your partner and brother.
We all understand how you are feeling and can only support you by listening and bri g here for you. You need to just take time to look after yourself and take any help and support offered. Most people here are going through their grief and pain :broken_heart: but youcan put down how your feeling and someone will always be there to listen and help if we can
My husband passed on 8th June suddenly unexpectedly so was in shock for some time.
Now i just take a hr day at a time i don’t say its easy some days are hard and i feel back to early days but we survive and now trying to exist in the new world i find myself in.
Take care and look after yourself
Lynne x

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Thank you iam just going through every emotion that exist i dont wont to go out the house i don’t wont to see anyone i just carnt be bothered😪

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@Gwen2 is the medication helping? I’ve done 8 weeks without him but it’s not getting any easier. I was hoping not to go on them but maybe I do need help?

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Nothing seems to help i don’t get dressed i cry all day i cry myself to sleep i just carnt be bothered but saying that all medication is different and all doctors are so it might work for you ive never felt so unwell

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Oh Gwen i really feel for you today
We all have days like that no two says the same we just have to go with them.
Sending you :people_hugging: hugs and positive thoughts hope your feeling a bit better.
I had the dentist today and the receptionist who knew us both mentioned she was sad to hear of Kevins death set me off again though i had it today obviously not always bubbling under the surface.
Now home changing into joggers and sweatshirt and locking myself indoors. God the silence at home so quiet but tv on background noise the repair shop on wonder i they could do repairs for me around house guess not that kind of programme.
Take care
Lynne x

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Hi @Gwen2,

Before I go on I must make a disclaimer: I am not a psychiatrist nor any other sort of mental health care professional. So what I am about to say I do so purely from my own personal experience.

I have suffered from clinical depression on and off throughout my life. I have been very unwell for months on end and have taken medication for extended periods. I have not had an episode of serious depression for many years. Depression and I are good mates, I know how to handle him (always keep your enemies closer I think the quote goes). I have been offered medication to help me cope with the death of my gorgeous Christine but have not taken up the offer. But it is always an option I would consider.

My experience of bereavement is not the same as that of depression. However, some of the medications that are offered will be those that would be prescribed for treating depression/anxiety.

For me, medication was definitely a help in the following way: My mind was essentially very busy with many thoughts continually spinning around. Not particularly helpful thoughts. Often catastrophizing or obsessing. The effect of the medication was to kind of slow these thoughts down, to take the edge off them. This gave me a break from the intensity of what had been going on in my head. It was this break that provided relief and so an opportunity for somewhat more normal though processes to be restored. Then after some time the medication can be withdrawn because these somewhat more normal thought processes are well established again.

So what I am saying is that medication can help. Under some circumstances I would go as far as to say it is a life saver.

But it is your call as to whether or not to accept medication, and it can be a tough call to make. You could try talking to your GP further about it but I am sorry to say that your milage may vary. Maybe trying calling a bereavement helpline?

The only other thing I would add is that all that you have described in terms of your feelings/emotions will be well know to pretty much everyone on this forum. In other words they are “normal” for the ghastly circumstances that we find ourselves in.

There is no sugaring the pill. Bereavement is absolutely horrendous; a living nightmare.

Best wishes.

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Just watched the Lockerbie disaster on TV cant believe it was 35 years ago. Maybe shouldnt have but the deaths pain grief the families and town suffered are are still suffering :broken_heart: hopefully helps me mange my own grief.
I think time passes quickly but the grief remains under the surface trying to manage it is something we need to work on
Take care
Lynne x

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Ive never suffered with depression and anxiety till now my brother took hus own on the 5th sept then i lost my partner of nearly 30 years on the 21st September he is my first and only love the medication iam taking isnt working for me and iam waiting for the doctor to ring me i was looking for someone to talk too and found this site on facebook and iam greatful for the messages and maybe in time i could help someone but for now iam struggling and the pain is unbelievable i keep going to bed early to see of my partner pays a visit but he never comes to visit sounds mad i know but iam truly broken

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Hi @Gwen2,

No. It does not sound mad at all. It sounds normal to me. I know that truly broken feeling well.

The various medications that can be prescribed can take several weeks before there is any noticeable effect. It may take a while for the dose to be gradually ramped up to a therapeutic level. Another complication is that some folk respond to some of the medications better than others so it can take a period of trial and error to hit on one that works for you. The period of trying to find suitable medication and dosage can be very tough to get through.

Talking to your GP is definitely the right thing to do. But I would encourage you to try a bereavement help line as well.

I hope you manage to get some rest. If you don’t manage to sleep, or wake up very early. So be it. Try not to beat yourself up about any “I should” or “I must” this or that. Be easy on yourself. Of course I know this will be very hard to do at times. I think the only important stuff when you are feeling so dreadful is to try to eat and drink (not alcohol I would suggest) and get what rest you can. All the rest can wait.

Best wishes.

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Thank you means a lot

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