Loosing my wife she was 35

Hi my names john in may 11th this year my wife lost her life to heart failure she was only 35 i am 38 . She leaves behind 3 children my daughter 9 and two boys 6 and 3 . We are all struggling to adapt after loosing her as as well as my wife and a mother she was a carer for me as riddled with athritis. I visit her grave nearly every day. I want to see how i can find a way to manage the grieving process as keep breaking down in tears nearly every day i miss her so much she ment so much to me . My daughter 9 is struggling as well people say it will get easier . Its only been just under 3 month any advice to help would be great. Taking kids away in the morning to uncles as promised wife before she died if she was to make it that we would have a family break. But didnt pan out that way . But keeping my promise and let the kids have a break as well as my self. Missing my wife victoria so much died at such a young age 35. We had only just moved intp our forever home after years of rubbish we were slowly on the up then she gets taken ill and collapses. Spends a month in hospital till she dies in my arms which that keeps playing over and over in my head. Needing some sort of help … thanks

Hi John
I am so very sorry to read this on so many levels. You must be going through hell right now. Just try and get through each day as best you can. You have three beauties that need you. I can’t say it gets easier - I don’t know if it does as I am at a similar time stage as you are, but apparently it does (!). But not for some very long time yet. Hang in there and I hope you find support and take comfort in the love of your children X

Hi to both of you, they say time is a healer and yes it does get better, for some very much better but not for all and yes it is time that you both need. I am so sorry for both of you, the loss of your love one is dreadful when they are older but when you have the whole of your life together cut short it’s not good.
I think for me besides time, it is to look after yourself first then others because you need that inner strength, so good food, rest but also plenty of fresh air and excise. Being kind to yourself and try not to relive those moments that hurt, only the good loving moments, hard but it does help. Family and friends are there but again in time they seem to find other things to do, so if you can think ahead and hold on to one or two it can be useful. If you still feel you need more help this site have counselling, just don’t be afraid of asking for help and that goes for everything in your life, one thing I struggle with.
Yes, hang in there and things will sort themselves out.
Blessings to you both S

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Hi John,
There is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. I lost my wife of 45 years last October and I can tell you, it doesn’t get better. It gets easier to cope, I don’t howl any more but I still weep for her. Bed time is the worst.I can be talking to somebody quite normally about my wife then I’ll just choke up and the tears will flow. Initially it feels like your very soul has been ripped out, cut off at the legs, no past and no future - but that will pass.
My wife lost her mother when she was just 6 years old and her father never remarried. She was sad at first but she said she never felt hard done by through her life. Her father became father and mother to her which is what you now have to do for your kids. He went shopping at a time when men didn’t, buying food and ‘girls’ products. I had so much admiration for him.
Our lives have now completely changed and we have to adjust to a new way of life. All future plans have been torn up.
You just have to hang on in there. People will want to help but won’t know how so ask when you need it.
Keep well,