Losing 19yr old to suicide

I work in a children’s house and our 19 year old completed suicide five weeks ago. Kev was with us for five years. His funeral was today. Kev’s death was violent - and people took photos of his body and posted them on social media. It has been very traumatic and I’ve still had 7 other young people and a care team to support (I am part of the management team). I’m not sure what life will be like day to day now and I’m a bit lost. I appreciate my circumstances are not the usual because Kev was not my son so not sure if anyone can relate. I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility to keep the other young people safe. I feel guilty that I couldn’t convince Kev that his life was worth living and it would get better. I feel angry with people who think they are helping but say the wrong things.

Post edited by Sue Ryder

Bless you for your loving care

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I can relate to what you are saying. You are clearly a kind and caring person and it’s a credit to you that you care. Five years is a long time to get to know and build a relationship and do your best to support a troubled young person. Sadly you couldn’t prevent what happened or the pictures on social media. I hope you are getting some support at work or through friends. I know you will get support here and you don’t have to be alone with your feelings. I send you my respect for your kind heart and care for Kev. You can say how you feel on here, you’ve come to a good place. Sending you all the hugs you deserve. Take care and be kind to yourself, your having a tough time because you care. Xxx

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Hi Nell2

Thank you for replying and for your understanding. My colleagues have been amazing and we are all supporting each other really well. I’ve also got counselling options but for some reason I have felt the need to reach out to other bereaved people, especially anyone who has been bereaved by suicide. I don’t know why or what I’m looking for. I think I am desperately trying to feel better quickly so that I can get back to normal. Sounds so unrealistic.

F x

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It’s a good plan to aim for being normal again. Who wouldn’t want that? Having good support for each other at work is a very, very good sign that you are all doing the right thing by sharing. So you’ve taken the first step to being able to cope and work through all that’s happened. It is very early days and extremely tough. I expect it sounds daft right now but be kind to yourself. From what you have said you have good people at work and you are holding each other up. Take heart from one another. You are doing all the right things and that’s good enough for these early days. Sending another hug and wishing you and your workmates all the best as you grieve. You aren’t alone xxxx

You sounds like a wonderful lady who loved him very much.