Losing a adult child

I lost my son 2yrs on the 9th March… I’m really struggling coming to terms with losing him…I blame myself all the time…he had a short illness…he was being treated by the gp for the wrong illness…taken into Hospital on the 16th Feb due to delayed treatment we lost him…I can’t get my head round this…I will never understand why I’m living my life without my son…how do I get through life without him.

Dear Naomin, we all suffer feelings of guilt when we lose our beloved children and even though people tell us it was not our fault we still feel that we could have done better, done things differently.
I lost my daughter a year ago and still go over and over it in my head and wish things could have been different. I try to change my mindset by focusing on the good times that we had with her and the joy that she brought into our lives.
Sending you a big hug xxx

I lost my son on May 17th 2017. he killed himself by throwing himself off the top of a building. I will never forgive myself for letting this happen. I knew he was struggling and could have done so much more. my daughter hates me and wont have anything to do with me. She lives close by but wont see me. I haven’t seen her for over a year. I feel like I have lost both my children and have nothing left to live for.

Thankyou for you reply I feel I let my son down…being a parent we should protect our children…when he was little I could always make it better…but this time I couldn’t…I go over and over the short 3 weeks he was poorly…big hugs to you too.xx

Dear Leslie,
I am so sorry you are feeling like this. You were not to blame for what your son did. You could not have foreseen that, even if he was struggling.
My daughter also took her own life one year ago and I too feel guilty as I knew that she was suffering from depression but hadn’t realised just how it was affecting her and in her last week said she was feeling better but I wish I could turn the clock back but never dreamt that she would take her own life. She loved her two boys so much.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself as you really couldn’t have known.
I am sure your daughter will come round as grief makes us act so differently. Have you tried writing to her to tell her how you are feeling?
I am thinking of you and do message me at any time.
Sending you hugs xxx

Thank you Naomim and Victoria for your replies. I am so sorry for your losses. I do feel that as his Mum I was responsible for taking care of him, even though he was 26 and an adult who was fiercely independent, I cant help wishing I could have another chance. I would have done so many things differently if I had understood what he was going through.

I have tried to communicate with my daughter and tried to get her to come to relationship counselling with me but she just blanks me, It is very hurtful, especially as I don’t have a partner or any close family to support me. I do feel very much that I am trying to cope with the loss of my son on my own.

Hi . I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my son in august 2018. I am unable to come to terms with it. Like you, i blame myself and the delay in acting on his illness. He was 43 a single parent to 3 beautiful girls. My wife and i are finding it so so hard to deal with the grief for ourselfs and trying to care for his 3 children qho miss him so dearly. They are only 10. 11 and 14. I feel my heart has been torn out. He was my son and my best friend. I know its no comfort but listening to your story makes.me realise we are not alone. I miss him every waking minute of everyday and the pain isn’t getting easier. I know your son would be heartbroken to see you like this, just as mine would be for me.

Thankyou for your message…I’m so sorry for your loss…people keep telling me it gets easier but that’s a lie the longer I’ve been without my son is really hard to bear…not a day goes by that I don’t feel guilty if only I had done more whilst he was in Hospital…I just want my normal life back…it must be so hard for your grandchildren living without their daddy…big hugs from me to your family.x