Help , a big part of me has died
Hello Paul, can I help. I to have list a child.
So sorry for your loss, I’m sure your in immense pain & shock, all I can say is too breathe.
I lost my son two years ago and yes when you lose a child a big part of you goes with them,but they still remain in your heart and in your mind and their love for you will never leave you,…their love is forever,
Take care xxx
Just reading all these posts helps because I Now know I’m not alone and it’s an old cliche but yes it will get a little easier in time
I’m sorry but I’m finding this site impossible to navigate around x
Hello Paul. I too found it a bit difficult as the site was changed a while ago but honestly it does get easier if you stick with it. If there is anything in particular you want help with just ask. There’s always an answer from someone. I won’t ask how you are and that question still gets to me…I never know how to answer. But we’re still getting through days so I suppose that’s coping. I miss my son terribly every day. It’s an ache deep down that I don’t expect to ever loose…
Can I ask how old ur lad was , mine would have been 28 March 25 th just gone , also how long since you lost ur son , I don’t know his name , my son was Paul ( very original lol) he was the eldest of 2 sons x
My son was 27 when he died in an accident. That day was 20 months ago now but in some ways it’s like yesterday. I’ll never forget opening the door to 2 police officer and I just knew instantly what was coming. I was in deep shock for a long time. We were very close. He took after me in looks and personality. There’s just me and his sister now. And I have to stay strong for her. But I’d give anything to see him again, to talk with him again. I have experienced other deaths Paul but nothing equals the pain of loosing your child…x
Absolutely agree , it’s only been 3 months so going into town etc I forget and expect to see him coming out of co op or something and still think , oh Paul hasn’t rung today etc and then reality hits , absolutely anything to do with him or anything remotely connected sets me off and can’t yet be tolerated , a certain song / certain TV program he’d watch etc and I “look forward” if that’s the right phrase because I don’t look forward anymore , let’s say , can’t wait until Paul’s grandma and I can actually mention his name without tears
It really is very early days for you Paul. I didn’t go near local shops at all in the beginning. I couldn’t face meeting people I knew. And even still I sometimes see a fella that reminds me of my son and it stops me in my tracks. You will in time be able to talk about Paul and you will smile when you do. You will enjoy your memories of him. And don’t be afraid to talk away and remember. But nothing will ever be black or white. Some days memories will bring you comfort other days they will bring you pain. I think though as we move forward the really painful days will be more spaced out. I don’t think any of us that have lost a child will ever look to the future again. We live very much for today with some days looking back. But never forward…x
Paul was a complex child and without going into detail led quite a lonely life but I work full time as a lorry driver and always we shared time when possible. Thank you for ur kind words I’ve offered none to you it’s all been about me , forgive my selfishness, i think it is true that words for anyone are hard to find/choose for anybody in our situation x
Every message Paul, every chance to talk to someone in the same situation is a form of help to all of us. As time goes by there are fewer chances to talk about out children or the pain we feel. People move on with their lives. It’s very early days for you. I remember so vividly the confusion I felt, the fear of everything. I felt I had stepped out of life and was watching it go by from behind glass if that makes sense. It will help you to talk about your feelings, talk about anything really. Take care today x
Paul, I am so sorry I missed your post in February. You did the right thing coming to this site.
We lost our youngest daughter on 25th July last year.
She was in hospital on life support for 9 weeks. Left behind her older sister who adored her, he loving partner and baby girl, well not a baby but a toddler.
It’s hard to imagine how you will go on living without them but you do and you will. Now 9 months on and in lockdown, our older daughter is living in our holiday cottage just across the road and has our granddaughter 3 days a week when her Daddy is at work. Jamie had nearly 7 months off work as he was so devastated but is a wonderful Daddy. Somehow we all find the strength to deal with our loss and in time can remember with fondness the lives of our children. It never leaves us, they never leave us but there are now more good days than bad.
I send you love and peace and hope in your life.
Keep posting we are all here for each other.
Thank you I can’t think of any other words today but thank you . It’s a very sad fact that I’m not alone
No you are never alone here. I feel I have made friendships which will help me through this. We all know what you are going through. Its Hell on earth at first. I would double up as my stomach muscles would contract as the grief gripped and overwhelmed me, making me drop to the floor and howl like an animal. I know now that nearly everyone I speak to on this site has experienced this terrible feeling.
However, they became less often and now I haven’t had an ‘episode’ for a few weeks. I still weep a little when I am alone in the forest walking the dogs but it doesnt knock me down like it used to. We are now going through the weeks before life changed forever as this time last year Lisa was so excited about going on their first holiday in 10 years, little did we know that she would get a virus, acute respiratory failure and end up on an ECMO macine for 54 days. Its hard not to think about it all again but life is changing for Brooke and her Daddy as they are hoping to get a new house soon and all the excitement of that.
Stay in touch. It even helps you post in the middle of the night if you are feeling really low. Writing it down gets it out if you get me.
With love and understanding Kate xx
The days up to it must have been a living hell , I’m “lucky” that Paul’s death was sudden and he died at home in his bed but he was a poorly child with diabetes , kidney trouble amongst other things and I’d resigned myself to the fact that eventually He’d lose limbs & possibly sight but I was willing & ready to look after him obviously, he was my son and I’d have given my life for him . I have so much to say but nothing comes out right . I’m just sorry for anyone going through this , it’s a cruel world In my opinion with so much suffering & sadness and it’s only my other son that keeps me here
Theres nothing more heartbreaking than thinking about those days. Though we were fortunate that when she came out of the induced coma, after a few days she was able to sit up and communicate although she had no voice after the incubating. We had about 6 weeks of her being able to see Brooke and see us every day as the ECMO oxygenates the blood so her lungs and heart could have a bit of a rest
Unfortunately a couple of days before she died she began to get organ failure. She made the decision to be switched off herself, was so brave and gave us all instructions and then told the medics to ‘get on with it then’. Coursgeous and dignified to the last.xx
“Get on with it then” that made me cry , I hate goodbyes, brave girl .
Upsetting because if Paul was in that situation it’s just what he would have said !