Help , a big part of me has died 
Hello Paul, can I help. I to have list a child.
So sorry for your loss, Iām sure your in immense pain & shock, all I can say is too breathe.
I lost my son two years ago and yes when you lose a child a big part of you goes with them,but they still remain in your heart and in your mind and their love for you will never leave you,ā¦their love is forever,
Take care xxx
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Just reading all these posts helps because I Now know Iām not alone and itās an old cliche but yes it will get a little easier in time
Iām sorry but Iām finding this site impossible to navigate around x
Hello Paul. I too found it a bit difficult as the site was changed a while ago but honestly it does get easier if you stick with it. If there is anything in particular you want help with just ask. Thereās always an answer from someone. I wonāt ask how you are and that question still gets to meā¦I never know how to answer. But weāre still getting through days so I suppose thatās coping. I miss my son terribly every day. Itās an ache deep down that I donāt expect to ever looseā¦
Can I ask how old ur lad was , mine would have been 28 March 25 th just gone , also how long since you lost ur son , I donāt know his name , my son was Paul ( very original lol) he was the eldest of 2 sons x
My son was 27 when he died in an accident. That day was 20 months ago now but in some ways itās like yesterday. Iāll never forget opening the door to 2 police officer and I just knew instantly what was coming. I was in deep shock for a long time. We were very close. He took after me in looks and personality. Thereās just me and his sister now. And I have to stay strong for her. But Iād give anything to see him again, to talk with him again. I have experienced other deaths Paul but nothing equals the pain of loosing your childā¦x
Absolutely agree , itās only been 3 months so going into town etc I forget and expect to see him coming out of co op or something and still think , oh Paul hasnāt rung today etc and then reality hits , absolutely anything to do with him or anything remotely connected sets me off and canāt yet be tolerated , a certain song / certain TV program heād watch etc and I ālook forwardā if thatās the right phrase because I donāt look forward anymore , letās say , canāt wait until Paulās grandma and I can actually mention his name without tears 
It really is very early days for you Paul. I didnāt go near local shops at all in the beginning. I couldnāt face meeting people I knew. And even still I sometimes see a fella that reminds me of my son and it stops me in my tracks. You will in time be able to talk about Paul and you will smile when you do. You will enjoy your memories of him. And donāt be afraid to talk away and remember. But nothing will ever be black or white. Some days memories will bring you comfort other days they will bring you pain. I think though as we move forward the really painful days will be more spaced out. I donāt think any of us that have lost a child will ever look to the future again. We live very much for today with some days looking back. But never forwardā¦x
Paul was a complex child and without going into detail led quite a lonely life but I work full time as a lorry driver and always we shared time when possible. Thank you for ur kind words Iāve offered none to you itās all been about me , forgive my selfishness, i think it is true that words for anyone are hard to find/choose for anybody in our situation x
Every message Paul, every chance to talk to someone in the same situation is a form of help to all of us. As time goes by there are fewer chances to talk about out children or the pain we feel. People move on with their lives. Itās very early days for you. I remember so vividly the confusion I felt, the fear of everything. I felt I had stepped out of life and was watching it go by from behind glass if that makes sense. It will help you to talk about your feelings, talk about anything really. Take care today x
Paul, I am so sorry I missed your post in February. You did the right thing coming to this site.
We lost our youngest daughter on 25th July last year.
She was in hospital on life support for 9 weeks. Left behind her older sister who adored her, he loving partner and baby girl, well not a baby but a toddler.
Itās hard to imagine how you will go on living without them but you do and you will. Now 9 months on and in lockdown, our older daughter is living in our holiday cottage just across the road and has our granddaughter 3 days a week when her Daddy is at work. Jamie had nearly 7 months off work as he was so devastated but is a wonderful Daddy. Somehow we all find the strength to deal with our loss and in time can remember with fondness the lives of our children. It never leaves us, they never leave us but there are now more good days than bad.
I send you love and peace and hope in your life.
Keep posting we are all here for each other.
Kate x
Kate x
Thank you I canāt think of any other words today but thank you . Itās a very sad fact that Iām not alone 
No you are never alone here. I feel I have made friendships which will help me through this. We all know what you are going through. Its Hell on earth at first. I would double up as my stomach muscles would contract as the grief gripped and overwhelmed me, making me drop to the floor and howl like an animal. I know now that nearly everyone I speak to on this site has experienced this terrible feeling.
However, they became less often and now I havenāt had an āepisodeā for a few weeks. I still weep a little when I am alone in the forest walking the dogs but it doesnt knock me down like it used to. We are now going through the weeks before life changed forever as this time last year Lisa was so excited about going on their first holiday in 10 years, little did we know that she would get a virus, acute respiratory failure and end up on an ECMO macine for 54 days. Its hard not to think about it all again but life is changing for Brooke and her Daddy as they are hoping to get a new house soon and all the excitement of that.
Stay in touch. It even helps you post in the middle of the night if you are feeling really low. Writing it down gets it out if you get me.
With love and understanding Kate xx
The days up to it must have been a living hell , Iām āluckyā that Paulās death was sudden and he died at home in his bed but he was a poorly child with diabetes , kidney trouble amongst other things and Iād resigned myself to the fact that eventually Heād lose limbs & possibly sight but I was willing & ready to look after him obviously, he was my son and Iād have given my life for him . I have so much to say but nothing comes out right . Iām just sorry for anyone going through this , itās a cruel world In my opinion with so much suffering & sadness and itās only my other son that keeps me here
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Theres nothing more heartbreaking than thinking about those days. Though we were fortunate that when she came out of the induced coma, after a few days she was able to sit up and communicate although she had no voice after the incubating. We had about 6 weeks of her being able to see Brooke and see us every day as the ECMO oxygenates the blood so her lungs and heart could have a bit of a rest
Unfortunately a couple of days before she died she began to get organ failure. She made the decision to be switched off herself, was so brave and gave us all instructions and then told the medics to āget on with it thenā. Coursgeous and dignified to the last.xx
āGet on with it thenā that made me cry , I hate goodbyes, brave girl .
Upsetting because if Paul was in that situation itās just what he would have said ! 