Hi all, my partner and I just found out yesterday that a close friend of ours died by suicide. She was about our age, only 26 years old. We are both shell-shocked as this was completely unexpected and out of character, we had never imagined she would be capable of doing such a thing. She briefly mentioned “not feeling great mentally” due some frustrations at her job about a week ago, but her message definitely didn’t convey the extent to which she must have been struggling.
We were both in disbelief yesterday, and we also feel guilty for missing the signs, not asking more questions or checking on her more often. My partner has erratic bouts of anger and is trying to find someone to blame (her boss, her colleagues, the people she was living with, etc), while I am really struggling with all the unanswered questions. Her brother gave us very limited information and I obviously know that I can’t pry for more, but the lack of closure due to not knowing WHY she did this is hard to handle.
It seems like we are coping in different ways at the moment: my partner is restless and trying to distract himself with domestic tasks like cleaning, rearranging closets or moving furniture, while I’d prefer being calm and talking about what happened. Memories keep coming back to me, every little thing reminds me of her. Distractions aren’t working and doing boring house tasks that would annoy me on a normal day will definitely make me feel worse. However, she was closer to my partner than to me (they studied together years ago and I met her through him more recently), so I know I need to prioritize his feelings. Has anyone been in a similar situation here? How can I help him and be there for him while also processing the loss and sadness I am feeling? Does anyone have advice on how to cope with the lack of closure and the frustration of knowing we could have helped her if only she had reached out?
i had a friend at church and she committed suicide. It was at Christmas time due to bad family relations . I did all i could to help her talk to her before events and try to be a friend . So did others but she still did it . I am left with why???why?? why??? There were other people she could have talked to .
from personal experience this year i tried to committ suicide as i reached such a point that there was no better life no help no friends and i have to say in that situation it was an easy choice .
some people are pushed to their limit and theres no way out other than suicide.
It seems you were a friend to her so dont be too hard on yourself
As for closure reassure youreslf you did talk to her and listen to her.
I know how you feel that you could have helped her more I felt that way about my friend and its now 30 years on from her death still wonder why she did it when she too had people talking to her . Dont know what more to say other than i know what you are going through i have and still am going through it I am sorry this isnt more helpful but you did like i did talk to your friend so you were there for her
Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.
There is an organisation called Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide and you can find a support group in your area by typing in your postcode on the homepage of the website. They do have a forum which you can join and ask questions. There is also a National Support Line on 0300 111 5065.
For someone to talk to straightaway there is the Samaritans on 116 123 for free. They are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
I should think your friend’s brother is trying to process why his sister has taken her life and is struggling as to why she did not ask for help and may not have all the information if any at all to give you. Everyone grieves differently and the emotions are of shock, numbness, sadness, denial, despair and anger. Your partner needs time to process everything that has happened.
I do hope in time you get answers that give you peace of mind. Please be gentle with yourselves, take one day at a time. Grief is a journey and not a race, it will be a mixture of emotions with good days and bad days, all are part of the grieving process.
Thank you for your kind words. I am really sorry for your loss and for the struggles you have experienced this year. I hope you are getting help now and are starting to find hope again. Feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk, I would love to help in whatever way I can.
Hi Pepsi, thank you for the useful links that I will definitely check out. You are right, her family is also completely shocked as she didn’t reach out to them either. It hurts to think that no one was aware of her suffering…
thank you for your words . Unfortunatly after i tried suicide life got worse and my dad died .I live in a hell of i have a disability and no one to help.
Ahell of i lost my dad and my sister had her claws into me through it all
A hell that i live in a very high crime area where i am a constant vicitm of a crime
The reason i tried suicide was because i was a constant victim of crime and the police are rubbish and the house i live in needs sorting no central heating hot water I am facing my 4th winter without it Also my family turned against me becasue of my disabilty . Life is just hell, hell. hell.
I still feel there is no hope . I tried to say live to honour my dad Walk in his footsteps and all that . Its difficult .I thought people might rally round and help after my suicide attempt but they didnt Thats life i suppose
i am not sure how to say this in a right way . Can we ever know somones thoughts at a crisis point in their life all the time . You listened to her andshe knew you were a friend and how to contact you. As my friend did . why did they go ???i dont think i can get ‘closure’ on that as my friend knew she had people to help. Take comfort from the fact that you did speak to her before and we cant always know someones thoughts but you were there talking to her
when i reached my crisis point i phoned a prayerline They laughed at me . I then phoned samaritans they were useless And i said i am just going to put the phone down and committ suicide and tried . My phone number shows through when i phone and didn t get any phone call back maybe they are not allowed to phone back
Sorry this is so long I am sorry for your loss i know what its like
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. I’m hearing how painful this is all feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s always someone out there to help you through this. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
If you do feel these suicidal thoughts or feelings get too much, you can reach out to one of the following organisations who are always just a call or text away anytime you would like someone to talk to:
Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
If you’re worried you’re going to hurt yourself, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.
If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. We have also recently launched a Grief Guide Service, which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, please visit griefguide.sueryder.org
