Losing a grown child

Its nearly 6 months since my beautiful boy has been gone. Its his 21st birthday on 12th jan. My birthday is the 18th jan and on that date its 6 months. Ive just had the first Christmas. My emotions are all over the place. I also have bpd. I cant cope. My daughter who is 15 months i do things with her but my brain is constantly thinking about my son. Even when i playing with her. Luckily shes a very happy child. Im lost and im trapped in my greif.


Hello @Charlotte3,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.

You say you are feeling all over the place. I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.

  • Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.

  • The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304

I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:


There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these feelings of being unable to cope become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Take good care - keep reaching out,


Hi charlotte i feel your pain. My son died last march on my birthday aged 20. It were his 21st last nov. It were difficult. What i found more difficult were the build up to the occasion. Ive twin sons too 29. The pain is unbelievable. I try walk every day. Im on compassionate friends support group too there great. The loss of our child is unbearable. Big hugs xx

Hi everyone hope you are as well as can be expected I haven’t been on for quite sometime I thought I could cope with everything but I can’t. This was my first Xmas without Leah and it crucified me the pain in my chest was unbearable it was Katie’s birthday on the 21 Dec and then new year was awful I went to bed early to get out of the way. The week before Xmas my dad had a bad stroke bless him he’s still in there it’s not good I hope you all had a peaceful Xmas shellyanne XX :heart:

For me Christmas is the worst my daughter died just before Christmas and her ceremony was just before Christmas day last year she loved Christmas and it was always full of her giving her sister as many presents as possible. Her birthday is also in November so it feels like a long journey and it would have been her 40th. Christmas is now different and I can’t make it better I can’t replace that feeling of the joy we had its a different joy I need to find to be able to cope.
Not sure the feeling of loss at Christmas and especially New Year its just another year without her how do I celebrate that.
And your words crucify are spot on its a pain like no other. I hope we can both find some peace at this time.

Hi luv thank you for your message it’s so hard I hope And pray in time it will get easier but at the moment it’s so raw sending you hugs xx

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