My partner passed away in Oct, last year from cancer. I too have read proof of heaven after somebody mentioned it on here. I miss her so much but I found it a comfort.
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Hi Vancouver. We went to stay with my partners brother and his family iast Oct. when her cancer was reaching the closing stages and thats where she passed away. It was several weeks after before I went back to our house and like you it was exactly how we’d left it. Her shoes on the floor, her things all over the bed, one of her coats on the banisters. It felt like nothing had happened. Almost like it was a dream. But of course it wasn’t. I’m sorry for your loss.
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Lovely to know that someone else understands thank you
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Hi Peter. I just finished reading Proof of Heaven last week. Yes, I agree a comfort. Also, The Afterlife Frequency by Mark Anthony. I bought both these books and put them away until the time came for my Peter to transition. Peter and I talked about afterwards (between tears) and he said ‘If I can get a message to you, I will’. I have dreamt of him and seen him in my mind’s eye and each time he was smiling. Our son told me last week as he suddenly recalled a dream… Mum, I feel quite choked up just thinking about it now but it has just come to me… In a dream Dad phoned me and it was his voice saying: Everything is fine. I am OK. How wonderful that he made contact like that. I know Peter is fine but I miss him so much. So many people would ask us as we went to hell and back with the leukaemia… How on Earth are you coping? I would reply you just do. I was on automatic pilot I guess. My focus was on Peter night and day. Whatever. Whoever might help with his symptoms or helpline I could draw on for support I would do. Peter or I never said Why Us? It was our turn, that’s all. We managed as best as we could one day at a time, and tried to be philosophical through our deep sadness. There has been a few other little things that I am convinced is Peter telepathically communicating with me. I try not to get too tearful as it used to upset him so much and he’d say gently Don’t cry. Only last few days the song line keeps popping into my head… Gotto get a message to you. Hold on, hold on. Think it was the Bee Gees. I can’t believe he has gone. It just seems insane, weird, unreal, surreal etc etc. I miss him so much. I am going to arrange to see an intuitive who comes recommended but I already know Peter is doing his best to make me aware he is close by. Read The Afterlife Frequency and it makes sense. Sending love and healing to all. Xx
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Hi Nel
My husband died in sept and I’ve had to cope with a lot of firsts already. Had Christmas, new year, our wedding anniversary in January and my birthday last week. All I can say I got through them ok but these occasions just come and go now without any real feeling.
Your husbands birthday will be a difficult one I’m sure but try and remember the happy times.
Xx
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I am so sorry, Peterj. These days, hours, minutes without those we love so much have their own shape, unfamiliar, uncertain, uncomfortable.
I am trying to find out who I am now. Who I was died with T. I am trying to take the best of who I was and the man he was, to provide the template. A work in progress, just begun.
To all of us, hope our day is a good one, that robins come for those who find great comfort from seeing them and that we all get through ok.
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Thank you for those kind words I Amy trying as you are to find who I am now I feel so different not copping well at all I am trying to piece this new life together and find a new way in life it is so hard words can not describe how I feel like all on here it is not a place that we want to be in or live in alone only people on this journey knows xx
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Rose45, we all stick together here, because we know how this feels, this new life, without those we love. We are all stronger than we think we are - not least because we have all got this far. Let’s take another step forward together today. It may not feel like it now, I know, but it will be ok.
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I have taken the brave step to get counselling. I have sent the email and am awaiting a response. I cannot continue feeling afraid of being alone in my own home.
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Smart move, Nel - always good to get help when you know you need it. I am starting next week, too, to help me figure out a whole bunch of things, too. Keep going, Nel - you are going to feel safe again, and soon.
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Thanks Vancouver I guess you right people tell me I am strong yes we have got this far 9 months now I ask myself how am I doing it day by day
Weather has been miserable but sun is out now will need to sort the garden out soon
It does help to come on here thanks all hope you all ticking along take care xx
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Hi Nel. Good for you taking that step. I am having six weeks telephone counselling through our local hospice. It’s not an inpatient hospice but supports people and their families with any life limiting illness and bereavement with day services such as art therapy, massage therapies and all free to users if referred . At first I didn’t think it would help and what would I say, but have had three sessions and it is helpful and reassuring. They have booked me on art therapy and writing through grief sessions in April to which I am grateful. We are very lucky to have these support services provided in our area. I knew about them but it was my GP who referred me. Have to say our surgery has been outstanding in their support too through my husband’s illness. I changed him to my surgery as his were next to useless. I do worry that its all going to hit me harder as time goes on. So far, coping in between the tearful and deeply sad episodes. I was really thinking about it earlier. As gut wrenchingly emotional this all is that we are going through and however much it hurts and I do so miss my husband, I asked myself how is this helping him or me to dwell on the struggle he went through and get totally overwhelmed with emotion? When I think how he suffered with the leukemia I fall to bits. He kept saying those last few weeks:… I can’t go on like this… He didn’t want to leave us but he couldn’t stay. Blood cancer that spreads to the central nervous system is such a cruel illness. When the clinicians said it would be ‘tough’ that description doesn’t even come close. So trying not to dwell. Trying instead to recapture happier times and his smile. The last time he had a really good belly laugh was watching Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse fishing Xmas special. When Bob put pickled onions up to his eyes not once but twice my Pete just laughed and laughed til tears ran down his face. That was wonderful as there hadn’t been much to laugh at for a while. I know my Pete would not want me to be continually sad. So I will do my best to be kind to myself and remember his smile. Sending love to all xx
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Hetty,
All you kindly shared about the blood cancer experience, I recognise. I am so sorry you went there too. T had MDS and I watched him go from being super switched on to struggling with navigating the most basic things on his phone. It was awful, alongside the other ravages of the disease. The terrible bruising, the weakness, the deafness, the weight loss. He too, wanted to stay. But like your beloved Pete, he could not. He endured it all without complaint. So I try to channel his courage in my sadness. Not doing a great job just now, but doing my best is all I can do. We have our grief family on this forum, friends who know the score of our experience and how we feel. This is a win I will take for today. As well as getting some information from the Bank of Scotland - finally - for probate…
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Vancouver. Dear Lord, I can empathise. For me it was the disease progression that was the worst. My darling Pete I miss him but for his sake I had to willingly let him go for it was selfish to make him feel he had to stay longer. It was truly awful but the last day, on the Sunday, he was peaceful. The meds had kicked in so I had no need to keep ringing the district nurses every 4hrs, as I had the day before. I know it could have been more dramatic so grateful about that as my son and I were on our own with him, playing softly his favourite music, though he had gone deaf, but it felt like the right thing to do. Vancouver, we both did the best we could for our husbands in our individual circumstsnces and their courage will keep us strong and our love will keep us connected to them, when we do have a blip it is OK. Hugs xx
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