Losing a parent at a young age

I lost my mum when I was 3 years old. I was then raised by my step mum & dad however went through a lot and have a very rocky relationship with them both. I’m very new to this… it’s really out of my comfort zone to speak about feelings and emotions but recently my anxiety has been getting worse and since my mums death when I was 3 I’ve grew up with an overwhelming fear of illness and death. I sometimes find myself crying staying up all night convinced that I won’t wake up in the morning. I’ve never had someone I could really speak to and open up about the feelings surrounding my mums death so over time I’ve learnt to brush them off, however I feel like I need to deal with it as it is mentally taking a toll on me, I just don’t know how! I don’t remember her and I don’t even know much about her, I have always just felt so angry and upset towards the situation, speaking about it makes me very uncomfortable and I often just cry because I don’t know how to deal with the emotion

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m glad you’ve posted and you’ve reached out for help. The people on this channel have had experiences of grief, albeit not the same, as each experience is different and unique, we are all here to support you.

Losing a parent at a young age is such a transformative experience. Although not the same, I lost my mum at 27 and have had some health anxiety as a result, so you are not alone in your feelings/experiences.

Have you tried to speak to anyone like your GP or a Counsellor as from personal experience it’s really helped me. You might also look at ways you can celebrate your mum through a photobook or a diary to her, there are some lovely ones on Etsy that might help you to express your feelings in writing if you find talking hard.

You mentioned your relationship with dad is rocky. My relationship with my dad was not very good after my mums death but has improved with time. My dad and I went to joint counselling sessions to help repair our relationship, and it’s helped me to feel closer to him.

I really hope that whatever route you choose, you will be kind to yourself. You’re so brave for reaching out - the first step is always the hardest!