Losing a parntner

Going back to flat where I found my husband had passed away 6 weeks ago. I’m dreading it feel so much pain it’s indescribable. I have 2 lovely daughters and gorgeous grandchildren but I still feel alone.

Hello Ann, I understand how you feel and with Christmas looming it makes it feel all the more painful. You have your daughters and grandchildren so let them know how you feel and hope they will support you. There will be many strange and unreal feelings but just take one day at a time. Don’t plan too far ahead as none of us can see the future - we can only imagine it and we are often wrong. Six weeks is a very short time and your head will be all over the place but time will change things gradually. We don’t get over it, we go through it. Just remember, we may be missing our loved ones but they aren’t missing us because they haven’t left us. He will still be around you . Don’t forget to join us all and light a candle for our loved ones at 7pm on Christmas Eve. Take care.

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Hi Anne
The pain the tears the uncertainty of what will be can be so overwhelming that at times its hard to take another breath but some how we do. More I think for our familys still here.
I like everyone here just want to wake up and find it was all a bad dream. Unfortunatley its not and for now this is it.
There are times of laughter which at first I felt guilt for but I know he would not want me being sad because he did everything he could to make sure I was happy.
Take a deep breath when you go back and go with how you feel do whatever it takes to get you through. Cry scream or just be calm, whatever feels right.
We are stronger than what surrounds us even if at times collapsing into a heap on the floor and staying there is all we want.
I hope you get some peace from your return

Thank you so much for your post. Your right everything is overwhelming anxiety sets in followed by tears. Sometimes I’m going to move sometimes I feel I can cope it’s such a rollercoaster.

That it is Anne2
I have never liked rollercoasters and really just want to get off this one. I know it will get easier one day, someday but for now I just go with it not a thing I can do about it. I will say the fear and anxiety is not usually as bad as the constant thoughts that hold us back from being normal to a degree, for now anyway.

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Thank you for your reply’s makes me feel I’m not alone in this awful rollercoaster of a nightmare. Hoping everyday will improve in some way. I will be joining you all Christmas Eve to light a candle for our lovely partners who left us too soon.

I lost my Darling wife to Cancer 5 months ago she was only 51 & we have a 14 year old Daughter.
I just look at a photo of her & just shake my head realising she won’t be here this Christmas as we miss her so much.
She was diagnosed in aug 2019 with Metastatic breast cancer that had spread to the bones & later to her Liver.
The house is very lonely & cold without her. :broken_heart:

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Hi Geoff its a struggle for sure. I find myself repeating I cant believe your not here. I have a photo and find myself talking to him a lot. I have decided to just allow what feels like the madness to just flow. Some days are just so much more difficult though. Its like waking up with dread for the day ahead and not being able to bounce back up. Then another day feels not as bad. But always out of the blue up pops sad old me.
Cant wait till this time next week when christmas ends.
All we can hope is for a day of peace in our minds

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So sorry for your loss.
Reading you reply is like looking in the mirror as it is just how I feel.
My wife past away in a hospice & every time I shut my eyes I can her last moments & I just can’t seem to shake them.
I got a phone call 12 hrs after loosing Tanya my wife that my Dad had suddenly passed away. :broken_heart::cry:

Oh thats awfull one loss is hard to bear I cant imagine 2 so close together. You must be all over the place.
My husband passed away at home but I dont have those images of the last moment my mind has shut it off if I thought long enough about it perhaps but I dont do that.
I hope you manage to find a way. Perhaps try replacing the memorie with a good memorie of your wife each time you close your eyes and eventually hopefully the other one will subside.

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So sorry for your losses. Devastating isn’t it. I lost my sister 20th Nov brother 29th Nov and as if that wasn’t bad enough 9 days after that 8th Dec 2020 my husband died suddenly. Had stroke + 4 yrs ago. My families are supporting me even tho they have lost them too. A husband/wife I feel is particularly hard when been married 58yrs. The emptiness at home is the worst. Take care. We are going thru this together.

So Sorry for your loss.
I lost my wife age 51 to Metastatic Breast Cancer in July then I lost my Dad 12 hours later we have a 14 year old Daughter who I try to stay strong for but it is incredibly hard after so much heartbreak.
Take care & stay safe.

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