I can only emphasise what roni said: if you are offered support by friends, family and neighbours, take it. Don’t be proud. By taking help when it’s offered, you help yourself and them and that encourages them to offer more help later. People want to help, often don’t know how to, or what to say. It’s so important to realise that very few of us manage this entirely on their own, we all need help. Good luck to you, it’s a long journey you have started on…
Hi Lesley,
My kids are similar ages- 16,19,21 and 24.
I stay up late, scrolling on my iPad until I feel so tired I just fall asleep. Then yes, I really struggle to get up in the morning. And then to get going. I have a dog who needs walked so I do get out every day but the time seems to be getting later each day at the moment.
Are your kids at home ?
My youngest 2 are, although one due to go back to uni next month and then it will be just me and my youngest.
We are all really struggling and I find even at 5 months it seems to get harder every day. I was up until 2am with my 19 year old just sobbing last night.
My support network is not great as my family just avoid any kind of emotional distress and so are really of no help at all.
But I know I don’t help myself as I find I’m tending to self isolate as I struggle to tolerate others platitudes, and it just hurts so much when people share their photos of their lives going on as normal when mine stopped back in March.
I try not to think of the time he was ill but it always seems to find a way into my head every day. And although I am rarely alone I feel so lost and lonely that I don’t know how to move on from here either.
Sorry not much positive help from me today. Having a really down day xx
I am not surprised you are feeling down. Lack of sleep is enough to do that on its own, without all the grief, yours and your kids. Try and get a snooze in today.
Chin up. Xx
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Thanks willow. Need a kick up the backside today
Hope your day is as good as can be xx
He was only 40 and im 32 so our kids are young
Our lives sound so very similar. I don’t even know what to say because nothing can make you feel any better, particularly when you are having such a very down day. I am sending you the biggest cuddle. My boys are all still at home, my eldest is working very hard. My middle boy is at uni but travels everyday because he didn’t want to leave home and my little one is waiting to get his GCSE results next week. He did his first one 2 days after his Dad died. How he managed I’ll never know. It’s a beautiful sunny day today and i want to enjoy it but i don’t know how anymore, do you feel like this? Kind of how do i do this now, without him? I haven’t quite worked out a new normal yet, still just an empty space where he was and unable to move forwards in anyway. Even just managing around the house seems like a huge task that wasn’t a problem before. I feel so negative and that isn’t my usual self and i can’t snap out of it X x x
Yes ive been out with the kids but have to stop myself crying. My boys seem okay but i lost my dad at a similar age to my youngest. Im just angry that he left us and no one knows how i feel. I was with him from 16 untill now and im so lost. Im sorry your going through the same
Oh @Lesley1973 & @Idontknow - it sounds like we are all in similar situations. I’m not sure I have anything to share that will make this easier but perhaps knowing we are not alone is helpful in the moment.
I also really struggle with motivation and organisation and can completely relate to you finding things that were everyday tasks before, now feeling so difficult.
I used to work 4 days, played sport, looked after the kids and the house and loved to travel and go on holiday. Now it takes all my energy to just put a meal on the table and walk the dog.
My daughter sat her Nat 5s ( Scottish equivalent of GCSEs ) a few weeks after her dad died and she was so determined. She got her results last week and got 6As and a B and everyone was delighted - but all tinged with sadness and tears that her dad wasn’t here to share it with her. It breaks your heart doesn’t it ?
I honestly didn’t care what she got but I knew it mattered to her. I hope your son has done ok in his and gets grades he is happy with - but having even sat them is an achievement in itself. That is resilience if ever I have seen it.
At the moment I feel like a shell of myself and I so want to be able to pick myself up and feel better, especially for my kids who I love dearly and would do anything for.
But no matter how I try the grief just keeps pouring in.
I have in some ways come to terms with the fact that it will be like this for a long while, but I struggle to tolerate others who tell me to remember the good bits, and how lucky I was and how much he loved me and the kids, and hey we’ve been off on a lovely holiday !! That makes me sound bitter and mean, which is not like me at all.
I’ve found there are very few people who are comfortable and able to sit with you while your heart breaks. Although I know it’s not their fault, they just don’t understand.
As I positive I went away at the weekend to see Billy Joel in Cardiff ( Xmas present from my husband) and although I was dreading it I was determined to go.
There were tears at the start and the urge to run, but I stayed with it and got a glimpse of the “me” before grief took over and I actually enjoyed myself for a little while.
I find the after then hits me which is why I’m probably having such a bad couple of days.
Keep in touch both - message whenever you need an extra pair of ears to listen. I find it helps just to get it out .
Sending big hugs your way xxx
Ive just cried massive tears reading this. Everything you say is so true. I think you were very very brave for going to the concert, i can only imagine how you felt listening to songs that would have special a place in your heart and i think music is a huge trigger anyway for making you feel even more emotional. X x x
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