Losing a partner

Hi, I lost my partner of 5 years 1 month ago, it was a sudden death I was with him at the time and did cpr until paramedics arrived, he was only 34 and I am 26. I feel like I died when my partner did, I feel like I failed for not being able to save him. We had so many plans for our future that have all gone. I’ve not been able to stay in our house since it happened, I barely eat and I barely sleep, I hit a low last weekend and was ready to end it all until a family member stopped me, I just want this pain to stop and be with him again wherever that is.

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I’m so sorry that you find yourself on this path with us all. I lost my husband (50) suddenly. He went out on a run and didn’t come back. We are still waiting to hear why. You can sign up for counselling with Sue Ryder or Cruse and also, I would suggest that you speak to your GP - mine was very supportive. I also found the website refugeingrief.com useful as it’s written by someone who was in our position. Take each day breath by breath when you need to. Try to get outside, even if just in the garden. I am 14 weeks on - things are still hard but you just have to keep going. Take care.

Thank you jules, I have spoken with my doctor and he gave me a number for a councillor who said it was too soon and I had to give it time as it has only been a month and gave me numbers for crisis lines if im ever at a low state agin, which im sure you know is all the time. I just feel like ive been robbed of all my happiness and matt robbed of life, we are still waiting on cause of death, The guilt i carry with me everyday from not being able to save him is just to much for me

You did all that you could. I kept thinking why didn’t I go to look for my husband sooner, I might have been able to help. We all have the what ifs and if only… Usually with heart issues, unless a defibrillator is there straight away, there isn’t a great chance of bringing them back.
You can talk to Cruse online - their chat is available during certain times and I found this helpful in those first few weeks. I have to console myself with the fact that my husband would not have gone if he had any control over it, I know that. Also, it was quick so he didn’t suffer and I wouldn’t have wanted it to be the other way round as I wouldn’t want him to suffer like I am. Sending hugs

Thank you jules ill check cruse out. I suppose we all live with the what ifs, he was just so young and Im even younger with no idea how im supposed to deal with this, im sick of people telling me how strong I am, Im not strong, I just keep waking up and float through the day in a cloud of silence and pain till its time to sleep again

Yes, I get the ‘you’re the strongest person I know’. I was, but he was my strength. I was strong because we were a team and we always had each other’s back.

Hi I’m so sorry for your loss everything you have said I can relate to my partner died I’d only gone to bed and minutes later went back downstairs he’d gone from being fine he’d accidentally overdosed on rso oil a strong cbd oil 24 hours earlier but I thought it was out of his system because he seemed his normal self but wen I went back down his lips had started going blue the paramedics brought him back to life and I really thought he’d wake up coz he always told me we was a team just like yourself but now it’s just me alone forever I block the fact he’s gone forever out of my head because at the minute all’s that goes through my head is reliving that horrible night I found him

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