It’s been four years since I lost my wife to cancer and I thought it would get better?
But the grief wave hit me again on Xmas eve
And I feel Iam back at the beginning
I don’t think I’ve accepted she gone
Anybody else feel like this
7 Likes
Hi @Johntindall
Sorryvto here how your feeling today.
Unfortunately you are not alone lots of us feel the same.
This was my 1st year without my husband he passed away on 8th June 2023 and i thought i was doing ok and spending Christmas on my own with memories of last year we spent together in Australia.
How wrong was i spend most of the day crying like you say wave of grief and upset both Christmas and Boxing Day.
Total had a little cry when i woke but trying to be positive to get through the day.
Weather here in Edinburgh is wet wet and windy so i will be not going anywhere so maybe try and tidy some things at home to keep my mind busy.
Lots of people on this forum who are all feeling the pain of our lossss.
Unfortunately i dont think it ever goes away but hopefully over time 
i pray it gets easier to cope with.
Now we have a new normal learning to live as one when we have slways been a couple.
Please take care
Lynne
3 Likes
Hi @Johntindall , sorry you are feeling this way , I do understand , it has been over two years since my husband died, the awful cancer took him also. I usually just say manage to get through the days ,but my husband is always in my thoughts . But this Xmas it has been the worst , I sobbed when I lit the candle for him on Xmas eve, and the tears have just kept coming . I thought I would be able to cope better now . But I just keep thinking why us , why did my life have to be smashed to pieces and me just left to rot. I know I have to find a way to keep on keeping on ,and maybe find a life . But it’s so bloody hard , when all I knew from being 16 years old was him . Hope you and everyone who have lost their soulmate , find some peace and a way to live out our days . Xtake carex
4 Likes
Yes, me as well John and it’s been 5 years this Christmas since Pete died from cancer. This time of year is the worst and I seem to keep going in the lead up to Christmas as I don’t want to spoil it for the family but today it has hit me once again… So yes you are not on your own with these feelings. It is hard to accept that they are no longer here and everything has changed.
My kindess thoughts to you. Jenny
3 Likes
It’s been seven weeks since I lost my partner we were together for 30 years and this was the first Xmas I’ve been on my own I have no friends or family to help me with the grief and loneliness and I am now suffering from anxiety my partner was my best friend and carer and she was my world without her I am struggling to understand why I am still here every day I wake up and wish that I had joined her I’m missing her so much 
3 Likes
Absolutely my friend . And if you love someone that much you will never forget them . I have been without my Darling Dorothy now for 2 years . And the person that ever coined the Frase time is a great healer never lost someone that close to them that they would have given there life for as I would have done . My girl is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I turn in . Oh and I just remembered the other stupid comment !! ( There in a better place ) makes my blood boil . It’s to make them feel better not you . So if l hear it again it won’t end well !!! . So you take as long as you need . All the best for 24
3 Likes
Thanks jenny for your reply makes me feel
Iam not on my own with these thoughts
Take care
John
We have all been there . Sending you strength chain up !!
1 Like
Hi boo2
It’s hard to carry on without her ?we we’re 18 when we met and I miss her everyday
I joined a men’s group call menhealth
Which helped me to unload my thoughts
And counselling helps as well
Take care
John
1 Like
Thanks jeff 077
Thanks broken222
For me birthdays and Christmas is the worst time for me
We were together since we were 18 so iam like you, To Remember her I do a bucket list
Of places she wanted to go to
I did the Northern Lights in Finland with my daughter the other year
Also had her name put on lifeboats as she a supporter of RNLI
Take care
John
2 Likes
Hi galaxy 75
This my fourth year without her, we were together for 39 years so starting a new life is hard ,but you carry on for your family and wife
I take my dog out to clear my head or I go to the seaside
Take care
John
That is such a lovely gesture putting your wife’s name on a lifeboat . Good that you are managing to do a bucket list for your wife , I’m sure she was with you at the northern lights . I still can’t even go to my local beach . We always went on special occasions , anniversary and birthdays , and had fish and chips and then a salt and vinegar kiss. To others probably doesn’t sound much , but to us it was very romantic. Xtake carex
2 Likes
@Jeff007 , I also hate to hear people say those things , they don’t have a clue , time doesn’t heal anything , just makes us want our partners and happy life back , and as far as they are in a better place ,total rubbish . The best place for our partners is with us living our happy lives together . Xtake carex
1 Like
Hi @Boo2 , so sorry for your loss . For the first 18months after my husband died, I asked, prayed and begged for him to come and get me . Obviously it’s not up to him , or I’m sure he would of . The loneliness is horrendous, I know I’m lucky , I still work and have family living with me ,so I’m not alone . But feel so lonely without my husband . …keep posting on this site , it does help ,it has been my lifeline the past two years . Xtake carex
1 Like
Hi @Johntindall
For me 35 years married 38 years together and only 7months since he passed. I am heartbroken 
live without our solemates partners is so difficult used to doing things together as couple learning to do things on my own being so long together is not easy.
Dont have a dog but sometimes just go for a walk to clear my head.
Maybe join a walking group after the year.
Hogmanay and New Year soon then the year will be over. 2024 will start soon new year hopefully be able to do more things next year - planning to travel maybe start UK places first then further afield.
Take care
Lynne
3 Likes
Well it’s what makes you happy . Not to worry about what others think bless you x
2 Likes
Absolutely . If it takes forever then that’s how long it will take . All the best !
2 Likes
@Broken2222
You’re so right in that time doesn’t heal. It’s been three and a half years since I had to learn to live without the love of my life. Ok, I am managing to live after a fashion but the light has left my life.
I am so lucky in that I have a loving caring family who live quite near me and I see them regularly, but nothing replaces that missing person. I wish I could bring you all comfort by telling you that you will feel better in time but I can’t. If anything, it feels worse for me now than it did before. People kept saying that time will heal. Well, it doesn’t! At least, it hasn’t for me and I don’t hold out much hope that the situation will change.
We were together for 57 years and married for 54 and we were ridiculously happy. What else can I say?
I have accepted that he has gone and I have got on with my life, but I will never be my previous happy self. As for the future, how some people marry again just beggars belief. This is not a criticism (people deal with loss in different ways) but I have no idea how a bereaved person can hold and be held by someone else. If you can do it and it brings you comfort, good for you, but I can’t think of anything worse than being touched by anyone who is not my ‘person’, the man I married and will love for ever.
Christmas is over and another year about to begin. I wish everyone as much happiness as possible in 2024, and for those of you who are waiting for operations or who are generally unwell, I wish you all a healthier year.
Let’s try to make the most of what we have.
5 Likes
Aw … such lovely words … you got it spot on @Galaxy75 … its been awful this xmas as i wake up to a new life without my lovely husband ! I miss him everyday and wish he was here to protect me from that big bad world out there ! It really is so brutal - with so many brutal people in it ! There are some angels around so i guess we just have to hang on to them ! I dont like seeing the ugly side of life but unfortunately it is there … im so disappointed in “people” 
so disillusioned with so called friends and family … one of my sisters has text me over xmas but in general the selfishness that goes on with some people astounds me ! And i think you feel it more when youre by yourself …
2 Likes