I recently lost my wife to cancer, although Iv known for 7 years that the day would come, it was still a complete shock to watch her take her last breath. Friends and family have been great with me and helped a lot, but I feel lost, I question everything I did with her and for her, wondering if I did enough and was she happy. I also get angry that she died and left me. It’s been nearly 2 months now and Iv started going out with friends again, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel now, sometimes I feel like Iv moved on a little, then other days I lay in bed running everything through my head about why we didn’t notice something was wrong before she was diagnosed and too late to stop it, I also constantly wonder if it’s ok to start going out and getting on with my life, it feels so unfair
So sorry for the loss of your wife 
Grief of a life partner is awfully hard to come to terms with. It’s 8 weeks tomorrow that I lost my Andrew to cancer 
it’s like all the love we had has no where to go and it just overwhelms us inside instead.
The feelings and thoughts you have around grieving is truly surreal. The guilt and what ifs are horrendous. I’ve realised it’s really doesn’t help feeling guilty as we couldn’t have changed the outcome. What’s the point in torturing ourselves?
Grieving is a personal journey and you should go at it at your own pace. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The time is right for you to get on with you life when you feel it is right. I’m sure your wife wouldn’t want you to live a life of misery, she would want to you find new purpose.
It’s good you’ve found this site, it’s a nice little community. Everyone is so welcoming, there is always someone to talk to if you are feeling lonely 
Sending you virtual hugs 
@Widowedme My partner passed away at Christmas. He’d been diagnosed with cancer 3 years earlier, in the bile duct and pancreas.
Our last week together was horrific.
I’ve spent the last 5 months asking the same questions, feeling the guilt, the anger, the hurt and total devastation.
Truth is, we absolutely did our best with the information, knowledge, time, love and skills we had at the time.
You need to know that you did your best but you’ll keep asking those questions over and over. Hopefully, we’ll come to understand we loved as much as we could and we did so much more than we ever thought we could…
Keep talking…
I lost my husband 14 weeks ago, 6 weeks after we got the devastating news that he had terminal cancer. So awful and so quick. I still don’t think I’ve processed it properly, if at all.
The guilt seems to be normal for us left behind, the what ifs and why didn’t I see.
I’m sure you did all you could. The sensible side of me says I did, but the irrational side says different. I know I did all I could but I still feel bad, and wonder if I should have done more. I’m afraid its all part of grieving and something that we all have to do.
Its hard. It hurts and it seems never ending. I’m not sure how but we will get there.
Keep posting on here. We’re all here to listen and support each other. And it does help.
Sending you big hugs
Liz x
I lost my husband age 65 suddenly to heart attack 8 weeks tomorrow he passed 15th April , he was going to retire the following Feb, I am 56 so have 10 years before I can retire , My boss came to my husbands funeral , I guess I appeared ok cos I was off my head on diazepam! And he seemed to think I should go back to work then after the funeral ! It was only 4 weeks! So I did get signed off for another 4 weeks and I am back in work tomorrow! But I work for a coach holiday company it’s going to be difficult for me seeing elderly couples going on holiday together ,moaning about their room or they haven’t got the seat they wanted for bingo ! I am going to find it difficult to keep my shit together , and not say you have had a whole life with your partner and I am 56 and mine has been taken from me , !! How the hell I am suppose to deal with it!?