Hello finding it very hard to deal with after losing my wife two months ago to a sudden death it’s just killing me every day
Hi mart, sorry for your loss, I lost my husband of 46 years suddenly 6 months ago and I barely remember those first 2 months, I was in a complete fog, I functioned on automatic pilot, he died 1 week before Christmas and according to my kids I was wrapping presents till 1 every night for 5 nights. After that I became manic and decorated half the house. You will find on this site everyone reacts differently to death of their partner, the one thing we all have in common is the gut wrenching grief we all feel, unfortunately no magic pill, I am now 6 months in, I wake every morning thinking of him but I am now able to find some enjoyment in life with my family, knowing he is with me every step I take and I know he would be encouraging me to make the most of my time. This forum is so helpful you know your not alone and you can have a good rant if you need it. Take care
Jan
1 Like
Mart…
…yes I too am finding it very hard to deal with, I too lost my partner of 20 years only 11 weeks ago, he was 74, this too was a sudden death…Yes you have summed it up perfectly, " it is just killing me…" Even when we find things to keep us busy, to keep our mind away if only for a temporary basis, we always come back to the same starting point, all we want is our loved one to come back to us, nothing more, nothing less…
Jackie…
1 Like
Thank you very much you’re right about the first two months I don’t know what I’ve done or how I’ve got through it and I’ve got a long way to go yet but it’s that starting point every morning when you open your eyes that’s the killer there is no magic pill or quick fix but having good people around you helps and I know she would want me to carry on and enjoy my life with the two boys but it will take me a long time to get there
Thank you it’s very hard when you lose your best friend you have no one to talk to in the evenings and the starting point in the morning just starts the day all over again heartbreaking
I still get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I wake, and I know I have to go on on my own, although my husbands dog does jump on the bed and gives me a kiss when I wake, not sure if it’s affection or a hint to get up and take me walkies, but it does put a smile on my face when I am feeling low. You are lucky to have family around you, so many people on here don’t, I am very grateful for mine as they have been super supportive even in there own grief at losing their dad. There is no timescale for grief, and some days are worse than others, but I have found little by little the fog is lifting and sme sunshine is drifting into my life, a bit like our summer, hope you will eventually find some sunshine in your life take care
Jan
Hi
It’s one year today since my wife died and I have no idea how I’m still here but with support from family and friends I have survived and you will too. It’s not a life I want nor chose. I can’t tell you it will get easier it doesn’t the pain is just as real today as a year ago.
Take all the help and support you can get and don’t look too far forward try to get through the next day or even just the next hour. I am so sorry you’ve had to find this site but keep posting as there are really kind people that know exactly what you’re going through and are great support.
Take care William
1 Like
Afternoon William, so sorry for your loss
it is 13.5 months since my husband passed suddenly, some days are more difficult than others, I’ve not lived these past months, I have existed during these past months, lately some days do look brighter than others, but this can turn in an instant.
There’s no set pattern, no blueprint, no rules, we’re all stumbling along this enforced road to a different life without out husbands/wives/partners. Some say it gets easier, perhaps it does, for now I’m taking each day a day at a time. This is all any of us can hope to achieve until such time we find a balance.
Blessings
Jen☆
Hello Mart I also lost my partner two months ago and I am finding it very difficult. My family are not a lot of help to me which makes me feel worse because I long for some conversation, or texts or even a visit. If even they would show any interest at what is happening in my life but no. Alan, my partner of 38 years, and I would be together 24/7 except for weekends when I work. We would visit wonderful places which makes it harder to bear as I am stuck at home now as he was the driver. He was 77 but very fit for his age. Packed up smoking 6 years ago, very rarely drank. When he was told he was border line diabetic he ate what he was advised to eat. We had a healthy diet and did a lot of walking. He would, shop, iron, garden, clean the house and any maintenance work that needed doing. He was diagnosed with prostrate cancer just over 2 years ago, then just over twelve months ago he was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma (mantle cell) one of the rarer ones and copd. The lymphoma wasn’t curable but it was treatable. Everyone who met Alan was amazed at his positive attitude and couldn’t believe he had anything wrong with him at all. He also had Reynauds disease and pernicious anaemia. He would still turn out in the snowy weather to clear the road and then throw some grit down, as we live at the bottom of a hill. I sit here now knowing my life will never be the same again and if I had the guts I know I would end it. We didn’t have friends because we had each other. We didn’t want anyone else. So it looks like we will just have to get on with life the best we can and I for one don’t want to live such a long life now like I once did, but I am only 67. Take care and hope you start to see the daylight again in the not too distant future.
Thank you and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Like you I just exist,mainly for my children. People tell me there is light at the end of the tunnel but I have found none. I’m 53 and to feel like this for a long time is it really worth it. Sorry for being so down but it’s a very difficult time as we all know.
Take care William
What is this " light at the end of the tunnel…" no dont answer that…does it mean a new life for us will soon be emerging without our partners by our side, if so, not a life I-we are wanting, is it…we just want our old every day, every month, every year life back, the life we had not too long ago to continue as it had been for ex amount of years…
Jackie…
1 Like
Hi Jackie, I think a light at the end of the tunnel is about finding a different way to live our lives, we all wish we had a time machine to take us back, I struggle every day to find new meaning to this strange life we have been left with, I believe my husband would want me to carry on and find some sort of peace without him, so I will carry on towards that light and hopefully find new meaning to my life, knowing he is always with me and cheering me on. Take care Jan x
1 Like
Thank you William I do take all the help I can get from family and friends it does make a difference knowing I’ve got a live with this pain for the rest of my life it’s hard i’ve got two older boys but there’s not a woman in the house now it just feels so empty Actually reading and replying to people in my position helps an awful lot I really do appreciate it
I think my wife is on another journey one that I will make one day and hopefully be with her when my time comes I do not see a light at the end of the tunnel I just think that she is in another room when I am in one room But it’s when you go to bed at night reality hits you I am hoping this site will ease my pain a bit speaking to people in my position and not people telling me it will be okay I hope your pain eases a little bit In speaking about it
Hi Matt
Sorry to hear the sad new of the loss of your wife two months ago. I lost my Mike in January…I must admit I am just existing from day to day. After being with someone for so long it is such a shock to the system being on ones own. Have you got family? I have none just friends.
I have found this web site so helpful and comforting as you read about people who are going through what we are going through.At my low times I write a message and usually someone messages you back. There are some very kind people out there. Even a few words helps you at the worse times I find anyway so keep messaging.
Be strong Matt. regards Sue
1 Like
Thank you I have two boys one 29 and one 25 we keep each other going but we have our moments when we just break down and cry But I cannot imagine just being me on my own it must be very hard for you but talking to people on here does help with our situation as we’re all going through the same thing I wish you the best of luck and you can text me any time if you need to talk But having very good friends is like having family
Morning Matt thank you for your message.
I am glad you two boys keep you going, thats nice.
Be strong Matt take care love Sue