My oldest sister J funeral was one year ago today. She died in March 2021 just after my lovely husband.
She was very elegant lady always dressed beautifully, so it was sad in the way she died. Her daughter, my neice hadn’t heard from her for a few days, they had to get the police to break into her flat and found she fallen after hitting her head and had died alone a couple of days before.
We were never very close, whose fault I don’t know. I didn’t cry when my niece told me or at her funeral, this makes me feel guilty. But I think I was so wrapped up in despair and loss with losing my lovely husband my grief I couldn’t cope with J as well.
I’m the youngest of three sister’s, J was married and left home when I was still a baby, perhaps we never had the close bond most sisters do, it’s to late now to change that.
The weird thing is I can hear her voice so much more clearly in my head than I can my husband, that scares me.
Our mum died 22years ago our dad 20yrs, it just me and G now, all of our aunties and uncles have gone, cousins spread far and wide. It makes me think of my own mortality.
Thankfully my middle sister G and I are close, always have been, we both pulled together to look after our parents in their last few years.
I’m sorry J, I wish we had been closer.
@Debbie57 - you have been through so much loss, my friend. I am so sorry. Losing your sister and your husband at the same time must have been overwhelming. You are doing all you can to honour your sister’s memory and the fact you are close to your other sister, is really good. Hold tight, keep going, keep loving your family as much as you can.
Debbie, what a beautiful picture you paint of your sister and I am so sorry that you have two losses close together p, it sad what life throws at us. Like you am the youngest of three and also being the baby they were married before I was in my teens. Over the past few years we have been close due to being ‘older’.
Grief is a funny thing it doesn’t have a reason to make us feel in any way, see things or hear things. I am afraid it’s just grief hard to understand.
Keep close to your sister so you can share your memories. S xx
@Vancouver and @SusieM, thank you both, it has been a difficult year, but I am thankful me and G are still close. We always take it in turns to phone each other every week and meet up regularly. It lovely our children are all close with their cousins too. Life is precious you never know when someone you love will leave you.
I had a reflective afternoon sitting in the garden, the sun is shining and I’ve been playing my husband’s favourite music, I’ve also written to him, I do this quite often. I can tell him all my inner most thoughts, talk about my sister’s and his family too. Tell him my worries and how much I miss him. I sure he listens to me more in the garden his favourite place to be. Even though there has been tears, I feel more calmer this afternoon. Thank you both for being there for me.
Debbie X X