Losing a sister

Losing a sibling
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My sister was 26 when she was admitted to the icu she spent 10 months there before she passed. I was 23 going to the icu everyday to visit her and get updates from drs. She had a 10% chance of surviving so I knew I had to be prepared. There was so many times when I had to say goodbye but she got a bit better, but in June the drs called me for a meeting an said it was in her best interest to switch to comfort care. That same day she was talking we were watching shows together planning our sleepovers ( we could finally have one because of the situation) she ended up falling asleep so I told her I love her and I’ll see you tomorrow, after driving for 10 minutes back home the hospital calls me and says she had a cardiac arrest and passed away. I then went back to the hospital to say goodbye and get her belongings. It was so surreal that 10 minutes before she was breathing talking smiling and now she was gone no machines no movement in her. I feel so guilty for leaving the hospital that day. I could’ve Been with her

I cried when I immediately saw her but during the whole funeral planning and the funeral day I didn’t cry once. Here would be certain things that remind me of her but it hurts so bad I just try to think about something else. Now we’re deciding on her gravestone and it’s overwhelming

soo much I just keep crying about it. I’m not sure why . Sorry for the long post

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Hello @Leinya,

Thank you for so bravely reaching out to the community. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.

It sounds like the last 10 months of your sister’s life were incredibly difficult as you supported her through her time in ICU. I can imagine that after saying goodbye so many times only for her to get a bit better, and then receiving the call shortly after leaving the hospital must have been such a shock.

It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of guilt about not being there when she died, and this is something that a lot of people on this community have experienced. Many people have these feelings after loss and replay what happened, even when things were outside of their control. It also sounds like making decisions about her gravestone is bringing up a lot of emotions for you, and it makes complete sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed with everything.

You are not alone. We have many members who have experienced the loss of a sibling and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read conversations our members have shared on our Losing a sibling category page.

You may also find it helpful to read our Losing a sibling page on our website. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling, and how to cope.

I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care :blue_heart: