I lost my best friend. My soulmate in friendship. The person I thought I’d have by my side forever.
We were best friends for eight years. The kind of friendship where you just know each other—where words aren’t always necessary because the understanding runs so deep words cant describe . We promised we’d grow old together, achieve everything side by side. And then, just like that, he was gone.
And now, everyone else’s life keeps moving forward, but I’m still stuck on the day he died. I feel frozen in time while the world rushes past me, as if I was supposed to just keep going without him, like his absence isn’t tearing me apart every single day. And then somehow still people please so they wouldn’t have to deal with my grief and my pain as if it’s too much for them…who didn’t lose him.
I’ve lost people before—my uncle and grandpa drowned in a tragic accident—but somehow, that grief was easier. I had my whole family grieving with me. We carried it together. We learned how to live again, slowly. But this? This feels like I’m grieving alone. Because the only person who could understand this, who could sit in the silence with me and just get it, is the one who died.
And it’s not just losing him—it’s losing the version of myself that I was when he was here. The best parts of me feel like they left with him. Every conversation, every second, every little thing reminds me that he’s never coming back. And I don’t know how to move forward when every step feels wrong without him. And it’s like im having a full on identity crisis. Like I don’t even know how to breathe or walk or talk anymore. Like I don’t really know who I am now that this grief is a part of my life forever and he isn’t.
If you’ve ever felt this kind of loss—the kind that makes you question how to even exist without them—I see you. You’re not alone.