I’ve found a lot of comfort through this forum over the past few months. Reading through posts, knowing there’s others that understand. That feel the same sense of loss and heartbreak that you get thrown into when you lose someone you love. I thought I’d share my story. Maybe writing it down will help somehow?
I lost my Mum back in April. Completely unexpected, she just didnt wake up that morning. I can remember the phonecall from Dad like it was yesterday. He’d just woken up and found her, he didnt know what to do and called me before anyone else. Two weeks later he had a heart attack and spent a week in hospital. We didnt know if he’d be able to make the funeral then, whether he’d be strong enough to cope. He came out just days before, and we stood together and gave Mum the greatest send off we could manage.
In the days after, Dad seemed to be doing well. Health wise he was good, but the sadness was always there. 8 weeks to the day of Mum passing, I lost Dad too. I’d spent everyday since losing Mum, visiting and making sure he was ok. I called in after work as usual, and found he was already gone.
A few days later I was due to go on holiday. With everything that had been happening, it was supposed to be a welcome break. We chose to go, there was nothing I could do at home in those days that follow, and we would have lost the money if we didn’t.
It felt good to be away from real life for a time, but coming home the reality of what had happened hit so hard!
I’ve been off work since then, as I just didn’t feel like I could cope. I’m still not sure I can now?
Dad’s funeral was last Thursday. I thought maybe I’d feel some peace once that had passed. Now i just feel even more empty. Like now I have to accept their really gone. Both of them! Thats it!
I feel like there’s an expectation to get back to normal now? Who’s expectation I don’t know? Maybe it’s just my own?
Today I was going back to work, but just couldnt face it. Today I feel lonely and lost in the grief. Today is a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better?
I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support.