I lost hope in life when I was neglected as second child and since 14 I had to caretake them during extreme medical emergencies and crisis. But I never had anyone to care me since younger but people to manipulate me
I was 19 when I saw my dad die when I was busy caretaking mother and doing more than typical caretaker , I saw his breath go away and people laughing at his funeral and discussing their own life , blaming me I would have done something wrong by mistake my dad was 67 and had intestinal bleeding and hb 2 all of a sudden
My life after it was caring my mum with history of medical condtions- diabetes, sdh , osteoporosis , hyponaetramia with 3 c sections she had me at her age 40
from 19 to 23 I did all to support her with my emotionally abusive elder brother who exploited me fully, I did extremes for her and wiped her blood pool from her head every time and brain surgery she worries on dad and fall down unconscious , traumatic , used to hit on my face and not recognise me for a while . I was unknowingly abused and tolerated cuz I want one safe line , but I saw her die in vc seizures and cardiac arrest after 2 years of recovery she was alright she asked things i gave her all but never once was I checked on by my own family .
Endless yearning and sacrifice, but lost them all to nothing now alone feeling unsafe to even talk with anyone because I always been alone and cannot stand anyone coming for validation or casual love
Life has been hard. I don’t have anyone nor do I feel safe to connect with people as a independent woman with identity at 23 but no familial support fully
On top of it , when i shared my mum died to my friends they said” omg , too many bad things happen for you, I am worried about my mum now I gotto leave”
If thats the level of humanity available, I don’t think what to live for just coming to empty room with payslip
We have people to mock , exploit , take something from u
but as a woman I never had anyone safe my whole life or known
