I lost my dad on 27th June and mum 9th July and I’ve been doing ok but recently feel overwhelmed, lost and anxious. I don’t know if this is normal that it happens a few months after their death or just delayed grief
Hello @Sharonlm,
Thank you for so bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and dad. That is a lot to cope with in such a short period of time.
We have a support page called, “How long does grief last” which talks you through what you might feel in the months and years after your losses. It might help to know that feeling anxious and overwhelmed is normal and you’re not alone.
You might also want to connect with @MelodyBlue who also sadly lost both their parents in a short space of time. They shared their story here:
The community is here for you, whether you want to chat, ask advice or just get something off your chest.
Take care,
Seaneen
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@Sharonlm wow yes I do feel your pain it’s the toughest thing I certainly have gone through & sound alike maybe for you too. Sending out a huge hug 
it can’t change anything but I’m sending the love 
from one stranger to another:two_hearts:, which I hope can give you a tiny glimmer of hope that we can all get by together, somehow 
xxx
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Thank u it was a great hug xx
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So sorry to hear, I lost dad on 20 July last year and mum on 16 August.
I am really struggling right now, it seems like realisation is setting in and I miss them so much. I’m feel sad most days at the moment and very lonely although I have a lovely family , I feel lost , like I don’t know who I am anymore x
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I feel your pain and am so sorry for your loss 
I lost both my parents within 6 months of each other, firstly mom and then dad. After losing mom, although very hard, I felt me and dad were there supporting each other. On losing my dad a few months later I felt completely lost, almost like I was a child again and they’d abandoned me. Every waking hour was consumed with thinking about them, did I do enough for them, utter sadness, crying, being in a deep dark hole I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to get out of.
Going back to work helped, and I tried to keep busy to distract myself from all the doom and gloom of my other thoughts. My days are no longer fully consumed with the sadness and I don’t cry every day. I try to think more of my childhood, shut my eyes and take myself back to happy memories of which there were many. I feel that gradually I’m finding some peace. I know my parents did their best for me and I did my best for them.
I hope you too can eventually find some peace in your memories 
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I completely get where you’re coming from, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, I feel like I’m in that deep dark hole at the moment. I can literally feel ok one day and the next it’s like a crushing sadness , I went back to work and I think everyone sees that I’m ‘ok’ so think I’m coping when in reality I’m drowning! I know it will get easier and I’ll find that new normal but honestly it’s tough .
Same for me, I felt everyone at work presumed I was ‘ok’ once I’d gone back but in reality I felt I was just existing, not living, work was just a distraction and life was now pointless. How could the rest of the world carry on as normal when mine was now shattered. I’d go to the toilets and just cry, go to my car and cry, go for a walk and cry. I’d go to my parents’ house and just sit and sob uncontrollably, surrounded by memories but no one to share them with any more.
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Please look after yourself, find some distractions so your thoughts aren’t entirely consumed with your sadness, and gradually you will find some balance and some peace. One day at a time 
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This! This is where I am, the amount of times I have to hold off crying until I’m alone and then reappear in a room like nothings happened! It’s so good to hear this is ‘normal’ behaviour and I’m not going mad! x
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And the seeing people throughout the day and they say the usual ‘hi, you ok?’ and I’d say ‘ok thanks, you?’, but really I’d be thinking ‘no, I’m so desperately sad and spiralling deeper into a dark black hole I’m not sure I’ll ever get out of’ !
But then there were people I’d chat to who’d suffered loss too, who understood this deep sadness and could reassure me there is a life still to live. One minute I could talk openly about my mom and dad but the next minute someone could mention them and I’d feel like bursting in to tears and unable to even speak.
I often think about the fact I’ll never ever see them again and I feel physically sick at the thought.
So now I try not to think too much, distract myself being busy doing anything and nothing.
One day at a time
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@DebbieB now that was & is a really tough time for you. In a lot of ways I feel similar to you, loosing mum and pops 6 months apart. It’s been nearly 6 months since we lost mum and 12 months loosing pops. My only real comfort I can see loosing them both so close, is that they haven’t had to spend the rest of their life grieving for the other one. However we have now had to cope with a massive loss of both wonderful parents in one go, which feels completely overwhelming and so it’s no wonder we breakdown in tears frequently. I went back to work but couldn’t handle it, not able to be productive and the additional stress on my nervous system was just too much for me to carry on as normal with my work. Colleagues were kind but we work alone so not much comfort from them in that sense. My job requires strong emotional resilience which I’m working on recovering this. Meanwhile rehabilitating at home which is so helpful as it’s giving me mental space, I’m reading a good book by David Kessler ‘Finding Meaning’ which is about what he calls the sixth stage of grief. I’d recommend it. I’m allowing my thoughts to spin through my mind and letting them register, and me resolve them or acknowledge them to an extent if possible and then allowing those tricky images and thoughts to move along as a saved important memory but no longer current. I’m journaling some important memories. I don’t know if that makes any sense!. I’ve also signed up to 5 sessions of therapy which I seem to be sharing my most upsetting traumas around my parents leaving us alone on the planet. And the here and now. So I hope it’s doing me good. Takes it out of me but hopefully that’s what is needed right now.
Another thing helping me is that I believe I can talk to them both, frequently do and it does give me some small comfort. I believe in the afterlife and that they are both together enjoying eternity, discussing us kids, watching over us. I’m sure they send me little signs at times, out of the blue, which does bring me comfort.
Anyway sorry to ramble on. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone on this emotional roller coaster. Sending you hugs x
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@Jmk and thought it was unusual to loose both parents like this! 6 months apart. Same for me. I’ve just replied to @Debbieb as she seems to also have a similar situation to us. I can at least empathise with your overwhelming experience of loosing them both. It’s so hard loosing a parent, let alone both. To me it certainly does feel like a double whammy and a huge life shift - no generation above me, I’m the eldest so I’m up next (potentially). Also mum had me when she was 18 so then I think if I live till when my mum did I’ve got 18 more years that’s it. Better try and make them count. The loss and the changes are so huge it’s taking me time to stop spiraling and trying to calm my thoughts but not deny them. I’ve felt emotionally so stressed now for many months it’s draining and exhausting. I am doing everything I can to get through this but it does feel like a lonely process, even with loving family around me. I wanted to reach out and share empathy and understanding of what you’re going through. We aren’t alone. Sending hugs x
My parents were together for over 70 years, having met on a blind date, so when dad left just 6 months after mom I felt they were at least together again. I’d like to believe there’s something else after this life but the pain of losing them and seeing them suffer in the months and years leading up to that is a real test of that belief. The brain fog of grief on top of the menopausal brain fog I already had has also been debilitating.
I often pop round to their home (it’s up for sale) to check on things. I’ll shut my eyes and imagine they’re still there, think of the memories of when we all were, and always still say goodbye to both of them as I leave.
I’ll try your book recommendation, thank you. A friend gave me a book ‘The Grief Journey’ by Sarah Rowlands and Claire Musters. It has helped. I keep it in my car and when feeling like there is no joy left in life and I’m merely going through the motions, I will read a couple of chapters again to remind myself I’m not the only one suffering and there is a way forward for us and a life still to be lived, albeit a changed one.
Hugging you back x
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Sending hugs back to you 
Mum and Dad were married 60 years, they really were the best parents. Mum became ill a few years ago and Dad was her carer, early last year he started to get ill himself and was diagnosed with lung cancer, I then found myself caring for both of them but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Dad passed in July then 12 days after his funeral, Mum passed. It was like she didn’t want to be here without him. It was a double whammy, still grieving for Dad then also for mum. The early days are filled with organising, contacting etc but then this goes quiet, and you’re left with your thoughts and the lonely, emptiness they’ve left behind.
I will look at the books that have been recommended, sending huge hugs to anyone in this situation
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@DebbieB @Jmk thanks for your replies. I moved in with mum for radiotherapy treatment a year before she passed, and put my life on hold to nurse her through the what became terminal illness - we were filled with hope at the start as the consultant had said her treatment was curative. But not to be. I must say mum and dad were the best parents. Worth every bit of pain and suffering now. Sad they both had such hard times over the past couple of years before they passed.
Mum passed ‘too soon’ in my opinion, still active (mentally) taken by cancer so quickly at the end (she had small cell lung cancer and breast cancer both primary). My dad on the other hand, became older and frailer over a couple of years and as much as I didn’t want to loose my buddy/father it was obvious his body was failing him. We saved his life 7 years previously so we had 7 extra years. He died content (with a smile on his face) and said on his last visit to hospital ‘I think this is me dying dear’ as if it would help warning me. Because I temporarily moved towns (away from husband and job) to care for mum, & help her navigate an extremely hard period of her life, it also meant I was geographically closer to dad & could see more of dad than I would have been able to so that was a small blessing. They lived separately but were the love of each others lives & best mates.
I know I won’t ever get over losing them having been part of my life for 60 years. For every traumatic memory (of which there are too many) I try to replace with a positive one -of which luckily there are plenty.
Another book recommendation (aimed at teens!) is ‘you will be ok’ it’s easy read and absolutely lovely sentiment and practical - it’s written by Julie Stokes. It was a recommendation by the hospice. As an adult I find it really lovely. I particularly like the Memory Stones- collect 3 stones- 1 rough to represent hard memories, 1 smooth pebble to recall the everyday memories and the gemstone representing special memories and good times. Hold them in your hand and let them do their magic. Lovely idea
Hope to speak again soon ladies, sending hugs xx
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Hi there
I lost my mum in November 23 in terrible circumstances, and then my dad 3 weeks after my mum’s funeral. It was mind blowing. I’m still grieving two years later, grief has no time limit, and everyone grieves differently. I joined a bereavement group through the funeral directors, which was a big help at that point.
I have no children, so my life revolved around my parents, and it’s extremely difficult. Keeping busy, getting rest, talking helps, but nothing can replace the void and heartache.
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