We lost my lovely Dad at the age of 68 quite suddenly. He contracted Legionnaires Disease and fell ill very quickly, leading to admission to ICU, an induced coma for 5 days and whilst we had hope when he was initially brought round from the coma, he sadly went into multi organ failure and went into Cardiac arrest 2 weeks after being admitted to hospital. It was all very sudden in the end, Mum was with him, but the pain we all feel is immeasurable. It has now been 13 weeks and whilst I am back at work and looking after my 2 young boys, my Mum is not coping very well. She initially seemed strong through the funeral process, the sorting of things such as his car, bank accounts etc etc… but now she seems to be heading towards a low place. My sister and I are always there for her, we do our best to stay with her when we can, I recently took her away on a family weekend with my husband and children but she became very overwhelmed by the end of it and it was heartbreaking to see and not be able to do anything to help her as such, except hold her hand. I am 33 and feel young to have lost my Dad and it just seems to be hard to know what to do now. How do we support Mum? How do I look after myself whilst also supporting Mum? When do things start to look easier? My husband went through the similar loss of losing his Dad suddenly 3 years ago, so I know that things will feel better in time, but it’s hard to ‘see the light at the end of the tunnel’ for us all right now.
It is hard. And very sad. Would your mum, and either your or your sister’s family, consider living together? Of course, that might not be practical. But since my dad passed suddenly and unexpectedly in Nov 2023 I’ve been staying with my mum and I can’t really imagine her being on her own.
Thank you for your reply. It is so heartbreaking. We all live 15 minutes apart so we aren’t far and she knows she can call us anytime, and we both have young children so it’s not easy but we do stay over at least 2 or 3 times a week between us. We are coming up to the first ‘first’ which is their wedding anniversary, so I think that’s where the low place is coming from at the moment, we still have many ‘firsts’ to go. That’s really nice that you have been able to do that though, your Mum must really appreciate it, so sorry for your loss, it’s so hard 
Hi @kathryn.28 . I lost my husband in January at 65 years old. He collapsed in the street , absolutely no warning whatsoever, and died of a pulmonary embolism. My 29 year old son was holding his head when he took his last breath. I had to phone my 31 year old son who lives abroad and tell him. My son flew straight home and the younger one actually lives with me with his fiancee so that has been a help. I was in a right state the first 3 to 4 months and my sons were brilliant. I feel a bit stronger now , my oldest has gone back abroad, he has a wife there. My youngest is still with me but is looking to move out eventually. I am now trying to be stronger , we are all very close and I am gutted they have lost their dad at such a young age. I lost my own dad at a younger age. 13 weeks is so very early. It has been getting on for 7 months for me and I do have better days now. I think I put my boys through a lot at first, now I am doing my best to be supportive of them. I am sure your mum will will get a bit stronger as time goes on. It is an awful situation, am so sorry xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss, the shock and suddenness of it all must have been so heartbreaking for you all. You sound like you have lovely, supportive sons, I have two sons too and hope they remain my best friends as they grow up (only 2 and 5 at the moment!) and they have been such a support to me without even knowing it. Their innocence in it all has been a bit of a saviour some days.
13 weeks is early days but it feels so long since we’ve seen him 
I’ve decided to take some more time off work to support Mum, as well as have some healing time for myself. We’ll get there but thank you for your reassuring words and I hope you continue to heal 
Thank you and am sure your sons will be good to you . Yes you also need to look after yourself. I know what you mean about seeing him, I feel like that but my mum is now my inspiration and also my best friend who lost her husband a few years ago. Dad and her husband had leukemia. You must look after yourself too , your sons need their mum. I hope both you and your mum start to feel a little better soon xxxx