Hi my name is Teigan, I am 20 years old and on the 13th of March this year I sadly lost my dad very suddenly. I have two younger siblings, my sister Taylor who in April just turned 18 and my brother Tarren who is 15, and as you can imagine with the ages we are its been so difficult with all the different emotions we’ve been through the past 2 months.
My dad was an alcoholic unfortunately, we was kind of estranged but in January of this year we had started to talk again but the fact that he wasn’t telling the truth that he was drinking was hard for us especially since his behaviour even over the phone was blatant for someone who had been heavily drinking. I loved my dad, but he was a very weak man who throughout most of my teenage years was in and out of my life because he had decided a woman was more important than his 3 children, a woman who slated his 3 children on facebook when my dad got drunk and went missing for a week. She said “You will only be happy when he kills himself” blaming us for his drinking, calling my family horrible things so that people can see, embarrassing.
Regardless of everything we had put up with, we was always willing to build that relationship with my dad so when he split with her in December last year and told us he had stopped drinking we was over the moon to finally get the dad that we knew back. After 1 month of on and off conversations (that most of the time he was drunk whilst having) and I got a call in work to tell me my dad had been found dead in a bedsit. My whole world shattered that day, it felt like it had just hit me like a ton of bricks and I was in work crying my eyes out just so confused at why?? when?? how?? like this wasn’t supposed to happen, I wasn’t supposed to lose my dad not without fixing our relationship and not without him meeting his grandkids or walking me down the aisle. Although our relationship was not the best, I still had a dad and I imagined being able to fix things in time but that has been taken away from me. I feel very angry towards my dad but I also just want a big cuddle from him, I want him to tell me everything will be okay and call me “darling” like he used to or just hear his laugh and see that smile. I have so many questions that are now never going to be answered, but Tuesday this week I got the dreaded call we had been waiting for from the coroner’s and they told me he had died from natural causes, Hypertensive Heart disease that was contributed by his underlying Alcoholic liver disease. Why dad? why didn’t you look after yourself? I feel guilty that I didn’t help him but how could I of? I don’t know but finding out how he died and registering his death has not made anything easier other than now I am not wondering whether he had done something to himself…
I am so sorry that you are here and having to write this because you have lost your Dad. My heart is breaking for you.
I know (sadly from experience from losing my own Dad) that this is a really confusing time and it will just be a rollercoaster of emotions. You will have days where you dont cry as much, and there will be days where all you do is cry.
Please just try to not do the ‘what if’ thing. You will torture yourself with it, and it will not make you feel any better. And your Dad wouldn’t want you to do that to yourself.
By the sounds of it he was really making some positive steps by breaking up with that woman, and doing his best to get sober.
I am so sorry again, if you want someone to talk to about it then please reach out.
What a difficult time this must be for you. I feel sad for you, that your dad was unable to break the power the alcohol had over him and that you have lost him. Please let go of your feelings of guilt because there is nothing you have done wrong. I admire the way you have tried to rebuild the relationship and to not give up on him. It must have ben a roller coaster of emotions for many years for you and your siblings, with hope followed by disappointed. I have seen the heartbreak alcoholism caused to the daughter of my next door neighbour. She is your age and her mum always struggled with alcohol. It caused this lovely young girl so much heartache. Her mum kept promising to stop drinking and sometimes managed for a while, but always went back to it. If she had drunk too much, she would say horrible things to her daughter. Things seemed to improve again last year, but about 6 months ago her mum suddenly died in the night and her daughter found her. Until she was 18, she had been given some support that is available for children of alcoholic, but this stopped when she turned 18. I think there should be much more help available.
Is there any one you can talk to about your questions and your feelings? If your siblings are still at school, they may be able to get access to counseling through their form tutors?
I found a website with a lot of information when you have a parent with an alcohol problem, including special sections for 1chidren, for 12-18s and for adults (over 18s) and a page with helpful advice on how to cope when that parent dies. They also have a helpline where you can chat with someone:
I hope that find some answers when you read through their articles. It is good that you have come to this site and that you have shared your story with us. Keep posting and I am sure there will be others, like EmmaD, who will reply.
Just wanted to say: thank you for offering support to someone when you have only just lost your own dad. I read your other post as well, and understand how you must miss him and how hard it must have been to lose him so suddenly. I hope that your husband will be able to support you, and that you can both help your mum. When my dad died, it was so hard to see my mum’s grief. I did not live near her, but helped her as much as I could from a distance, together with my sisters who lived nearer. It must be a great comfort to her that you will be living near her.
Im so sorry for the loss of your dad
My partner passed away last June at the age of 42 with alcohol liver disease i had no idea how much he was consuming until it was too late he leaves our now 12 year old daughter please dont blane youself because its not your fault.
Have a look at nacoa its for children that have/had alcoholic parent they are also on facebook x