Hi one and all. This is my first time here. I lost my father four weeks ago. He was diagnosed with vascular dementia two years ago and finally lost his battle on the 18th of July. I went through the whole death,registration etc totally emotionally devoid. I’m an only one, so did the arrangements etc. But 4 weeks on it has hit me like a train! Do I have time off? Do I carry on? Am I weird ? I am 53 years old and live at home with mom (83₩) following 32years of marriage, ended 3 years ago
Hi.there.
This dealaed shock often happens. It happened to me. I coped with all the paperwork, did all the funrearl arrangements the, about foir weeks later it hit me, so I know what you mean.
Once again. Published as soon as I started.
As i was saying. It can hit hard later. Perhaps it’s the contrast between feeling numb then suddenly emotions arise and we feel them strongly.
As to what to do. This is very much a personal matter. Some keep at work because it can keep the mind occupied.
Weird? Well in that case we all are! There’s nothing weird about grief, well perhaps only to those who don’t know…
We can carry on bearing the pain and hoping we will feel better later. But there is no time limit to grief. It will take it’s own time and that’s why we need to accept it is so. Acceptance is not easy. How do you accept this nightmare, but it can be done.
You have come to the right place for help and understanding. Have you thought about counselling? It can be very helpful for some.Also a visit to your GP can help if they are understanding. Often they can suggest services that help bereaved people.
Take care. Hope to see you again.
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RS02
So sorry for your loss.
Losing a loved one is traumatic and like any other form of trauma the mind and body goes into shock which in turn leaves you feeling numb . This is totally natural as it is your body and mind’s way of protecting you until you are able to completely absorb and process what has happened. During this period it’s important for you to take everything minute by minute and hour by hour. You don’t have to make any decisions on what you need to do or should do until you feel able to. At this point of the process take it slowly. Eat, rest and be kind to yourself. Recognise the enormity of this loss to you and only do what you feel able and capable of. The mind and body are amazing and will guide you through this journey of grief. Grief is an outpouring of love so let it flow as it needs to. Everyone’s journey is different in terms of ‘time’. Life is a journey as well as death and being in the present moment is all that is required. There is no time limit or timescale on such a huge life changing experience. Your heart will guide you. Take care
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Hi RS02
You’ll be in unknown territory for an unspecified time. Three years ago when my mum died, luckily on a predictable path aided by vascular dementia. It was the end of the path that saw the family on autopilot for many years after dad died.
Now, mum has gone and my family have delayed selling and moving on due to work reasons. I feel so ignorant of and at 57 indifferent to my situation that it takes me a great deal of thought and effort to do anything.
My partial salvation comes from trying to understand my feelings using a self-help CBT book by Sue Morris. I hope you find your salvation somehow soon. Good Luck.