I have just lost my dad to cancer, to say he had a tough time over the last 2 years is an understatement, he had primary lung cancer ( un diagnosed at the time) which lead to a brain tumour which lead to 2 seizures until it was finally diagnosed 2 years ago, he had a successful op to reduce the mass and was doing ok 2 weeks after he developed sepsis again he recovered, but the lesions returned and he eventually had courses of immunotherapy, each time this would leave him very poorly then he’d recover a little but had a reduced quality of life ( sorry I’m rambling) towards the end of last year he was in trouble again and had to have full brain radiotherapy, this left him very disoriented and he would phone me from hospital sometimes 3 times through the night in distress. He came home just before Christmas with wonderful live in carers and was very slowly getting a little mobile with a walker and help eating a little, we were told it was going to be 3-6 months but thought he’d have some kind of life with help and that we would have some time but just over a week ago he suddenly developed excruciating pain and would wail in pain and keep saying help me help me, the wonderful people at the hospice visited every day and they did get he’s pain under some sort of control but he was constantly asleep when under the meds and screaming in pain when they wore off. He was a single parent from 1976 when I was 8 and we were always close and saw a lot of each other but at times the relationship could be difficult ( not bad ) I had this romantic idea that in the final days we could have some “quality time “ but sadly it was just traumatic, I did a lot for him and I know he appreciated it, but since he passed I just feel such a terrible sadness and guilt and I feel sick inside like my insides have been torn out and even my eyes feel pain not just from crying, I know he wouldn’t have wanted me to feel like this but I just feel as if I won’t cope or ever feel anything like normal again
Dear Bob.
I am sending a hug and kindness your way. It’s awful to lose them. I miss my dad every day still, after 21 yrs and lost my mum in August. I cared for her and can’t believe I have lost her.
It’s just one moment at a time, one foot in front of the other. Anything to get through the day.
I joined this a week or so ago and its helped me to feel like I have some one on my side when I need help.
Please don’t struggle alone reach out. It’s a good step to take.
Thank you and I hope you continue to get a little stronger every day my parents split when I was 8 and I’ve not heard a word from her (49 years) I guess you’re mums passing has bought back the pain of your dad’s passing, sending a hug and love to you too I hope it gets easier for you soon
Hi Bob.
Thank you.
Do you have a family of your own now to support you through this ?
My mum was my protector, more than I realised, until I lost her. We weren’t ’ The Waltons ’ either though…
My dad was my absolute hero, his passing was sudden and I couldn’t do a thing to help and it ripped me up for a long time. I missed him for all the daughter things… leaky tap, walking down the aisle … I missed him telling me he loved me.
Losing both of them now is sad, I can’t be a child anymore, I am an adult, and I don’t want to be.
I am sorry about your mum. It must have been a sad time for you then and now too.
Kindness in a disappointing world is truely valuable.
Hi Phoebe thank you for your kind words, unfortunately I don’t have a family of my own which probably makes it harder at the moment, fortunately I do have a good friend who also knew my dad so I do have someone to talk about him with which is a great help, I hope you have family or someone who you can share memories with? That’s the sad thing when someone doesn’t have a link with your past they just can’t share the memories with you, I hope you’re pain gets easier , hope this group helps I think it’s a help to know we are not the only ones feeling like this and that there is no set way to feel
Hi Bob
Sadly I’m in the same boat as you. I rely on my cousins for support and a good friend too.
I know exactly what you mean about the link to our loved ones.
I try my best when some one asks how I am to say that I am getting better (generally not true but I dont want them to get fed up of me).
My family is my dog and my cats. They listen to me anytime 
.
It’s good to know people on here understand and aren’t judgemental either.
I hope things are getting there for you too.
Good days and bad days too.
Animals are the best friends and they sense how you feel, I had a dog in my 20’s early 30’s he got me through some very tough personal issues and you HAVE to look after them so it gives you a purpose
They are the reason I have kept going when I have been down with all this.
It true, their loyalty is precious as they sense when you need them and when they rest, its calming…
Have you thought of taking up a hobby to possibly give you some head space ?
I decided at the beginning of December to have a go at Yoga 
… it’s a hour a week when I can focus on nothing else but me. It has been a laugh too with the others that go. We need to be able to smile and not feel guilty and try to find some small time to breathe too.
Heck, I sound like a clever clogs here… not at all, I’m just bumbling along trying to cope !!!