My beautiful Daddy died unexpectedly on the 23rd July this year. I miss him so much and can often still feel bewildered. In many ways life feels as though it is falling apart. I don’t think there is any aspect left that feels the same as it did before.
Hi Lucy Jane
I totally agree. My mum died suddenly on the 14th June and I am broken every minute of every day. I know I will never be the same again x
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Hope today feels a little less broken… I’ve had my cry this morning and talked to Dad in prayer x
Of course nothing can ever be the same. It applies to any life trauma. As we go through life we tend to adapt to what happens, and we often think we have things in perspective. This experience is entirely different. There is no way round grief, over it or under it, we need to go through it. Hard? I’ll say it is!!
There is another side when we begin to recover, a little tiny bit at first. It does mean trying to make a life for ourselves apart from the one we had. This is so difficult and I am not minimising the pain.
Everything reminds us. I had thought about moving but realised that my memories go with me. I can’t leave them behind. So I stay where I am and try to accept what happens as part of this process of grieving. Even at the beginning that little light was there, far in the distance but there. Thanks to all the kind and understanding friends on here and those nearby, I am slowly coming to terms with what’s happened. It’s still hard going after nearly a year.
What has come over to me so strongly is the courage displayed on this site. It often takes adversity to bring people together.
I am so grateful to all who contribute on here. Take care and Blessings.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mum, I lost my lovely dad 4 months ago on the 1st June and nothing is the same now, everything is different. My husband and I live with my mum and dad and we helped look after him after a long illness. There are days when I think life isn’t worth living but I push on through my tears. I share your pain and fully understand how you feel, I put on s brave face when inside I am hurting so much. Hopefully today will be a better day for you.
Love and hugs xx
Thank you julie,
I’m not even managing to put on a brave face. I lived with my mum and she was so fit and healthy.not a day of sickness until she had a mini stroke on the 2nd June followed by an unexpected catastrophe brain hemorrhage on the 13th. We turned off her life support the following day. Losing her is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I am in a permanent state of sadness.i cant even pretend that I’m ok.
I honestly dont know how we will get through this but we have to.
Life isn’t worth living but I would never do anything to shorten mine as I love my partner and daughter plus my mum would never forgive me!
We just have to plod on with our grief I think and rather than trying to push through it, I have accepted to live alongside it.
I hope you and your mum are ok x
Thank you for sharing your experience Jonathan. It is greatly appreciated. And I’m so sorry for your loss.
Dad was 10 weeks yesterday, every Tuesday I can’t help but count. My sleep has been on and off and I am currently in an ‘off’ phase. I keep waking up during the night and when I am sleeping I am dreaming of the hospital, and Dad is in the dream but it never looks like him, or it isn’t quite who Dad was. I re live, in sometimes a warped way, some of the traumatic events that happened in the hospital. & Yesterday I walked home in the rain sobbing. It was just a bad day and night.
Lucy Jane,
I’m exactly the same. Sobbing ever day still and yesterday was a really bad day when I actually screamed.
I count the weeks too. Last time I saw my mum was 16 weeks tomorrow. People tell me not to but I cant help it x
'Hi. Lucy Jane. ‘People tell you not to do it’! Do what? Grieve? Oh for goodness sake! Well, if anyone says that then there is no way they can have been there, no way.
You grieve and scream and do what you like. It’s all emotional and it will out in some way. We all do it our way and no two are the same. But bottling up emotions is not wise. We need to express grief in a way that gives some tiny relief, and emotional outbursts can do that.
16 weeks is so little time, and grief will be really strong at this time. Go with it. No resistance to emotions. Grieving is a natural process but very very difficult. But you know that.
I find it does get better, bit by bit. I keep my eyes on that faint light in the distance. I know my wife is there and it’s a place of peace. I’m not talking about dying. My wife was a person at peace with herself. I know it’s where she would want me to be also.
Take care. Blessings and a hug.
'Hi. Lucy Jane. ‘People tell you not to do it’! Do what? Grieve? Oh for goodness sake! Well, if anyone says that then there is no way they can have been there, no way.
You grieve and scream and do what you like. It’s all emotional and it will out in some way. We all do it our way and no two are the same. But bottling up emotions is not wise. We need to express grief in a way that gives some tiny relief, and emotional outbursts can do that.
16 weeks is so little time, and grief will be really strong at this time. Go with it. No resistance to emotions. Grieving is a natural process but very very difficult. But you know that.
I find it does get better, bit by bit. I keep my eyes on that faint light in the distance. I know my wife is there and it’s a place of peace. I’m not talking about dying. My wife was a person at peace with herself. I know it’s where she would want me to be also.
Take care. Blessings and a hug.
Hi jonathan123,
Just to clarify people tell me not to count the weeks. I’ve been told to stop anniversarising.i always know how many weeks and days since mum has been gone. Or for example its 4 months today since mims ministroke.
I dont know how it’s possible to do that so I was pleased to see that Lucy jane also does this.
Cheryl x
Hi Lucy sorry about your Daddy. I lost my dad suddenly to cancer in may and wanted to talk to people that understand this particular pain of losing a parent. It’s like nothing else and I find that others don’t understand at all if they haven’t been through it. I’m 34 but suddenly feel like a child and thinking back to childhood times.
To my work colleagues it is like old news. I’ve got to keep talking about it out loud otherwise I might have a breakdown. But maybe its boring for others? Do you find easier to think of your dad and try and think of positives helps? I think I have been repressing! Any practical tips any one can offer? Xx
I haven’t counted the days at all, I think I have been in denial and repressing all the pain but feel guilty that I don’t count the exact days I just feel particularly low on weekends as that’s when my Dad went in to hospital. Sometimes I have been wondering if I should count… why so people tell you not to?
Hi tinmaiden,
Sorry to hear about your dad.its still very early stages for all of us.
I think my friend told me not to count the weeks as it doesnt help move me forward.
First of all I cant help doing so. I can tell you exactly how many weeks and says since mum died. Also I am worse on Thursdays and fridays as these are the days she suffered the brain hemorrhage and then died the following day.
I think it helps me to know that mum only died 16 weeks ago as it keeps her ‘alive’ in my head. I also look at videos of photos of her for the same reason even though I’ve been told by the same friend not to do this until I’m ‘stronger’.
I dont know what to say. My life changed forever when mum had her stroke and I’m not conforming to anything right now. I’m just focusing on getting through each day with going mad.
Cheryl x