Losing father in law

Hi, my father in law passed away nearly 2 weeks ago, and I don’t know why I’m not coping, I have seen dead relatives before but this was my first time seeing someone die, I can’t seem to get the noise and the deterioration of him out of my mind, he use to be a big man but he had liver cancer and was about 9 stone when he passed, I thought I was stronger than this.

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Hello @Redrobin,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


@Redrobin Its got nothing to do with strength so don’t be so hard on yourself. Watching someone we love fade away is traumatic. My Dad died in March last year & I walked in on him dying in hospital, the images stayed with me for months. I then had to phone my mum & tell her. Now almost 13 months later & I can think about it without breaking down. As time goes on, you will too. The early days of bereavement are horrible anyway & seem to open a wound within. Let it wash over you. X

Thank you for your kind words, the funeral is next week, but my mother in law wants me to visit the undertakers with her to view his body as my husband can’t do this, I don’t know what to do, do I decline and say no as she knows I have been struggling or go with her to give her support? I’m in two minds xx

@Redrobin 2 of my brothers couldn’t face seeing my Dad in the chapel of rest but one of them did so I can appreciate your husband not wanting to go. I wanted to be there for my mum so I put my feelings aside but If you find it too much of an ordeal, couldn’t you wait just outside the door & say: I’ll let you have some time alone with him but I’m here if you need me.