Losing hubby

Hi, joined this am, lm classed as a young widow some of you had been married longer than my age which is a compliment to yourselves. I was married for 18.5 years together for 22 years, my hubby passed away in october no children together but stepchildren all live away from home, yesterday everything hit me so hard, l had a lot of breavement last year but at the beginning of the year didnt expect him to go,diagnosed with terminal illness on our wedding anniversary. Am like a lot of yourselves lonely,sad,tearful,and none of my friends can relate I’m the first to go through this, and four months later left alone because l feel if l talk about it it gets very waring to them.
Reading some of your comments doesn’t matter how many years we are going through the same grief

Hi Rocco. I’m so sorry you have had to join us here. You are right that grief is no respecter of age, circumstances or anything much else for that matter. We are all in despair but you will find friends here who understand your pain and will support you and each other so please come back as often as you need.
Thinking of you.
Ann x

Thankyou Ann, lt would be nice to chat with people, who go through same, feel the same, l have read your home post and it seem our husbands passed away due to the Big C, horrible illness, so am thinking of you to x

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Hello Rocco I am so terribly sorry for what you have been through and are going through. It does not matter whether you were together for 50 years or much less, when you love someone with all your heart it is devastating when they die. You are left with a future that does not include them and you grieve for the future they have also lost, so many, many years facing you without them. I also found that friends I had known for years just vanished after my husbands funeral, they still had their husbands and I honestly do not know why this happens, are they afraid being a widow is catching, are they afraid you will steal their husbands or don’t they know what to say so keep their distance, whatever the reason they are now no longer my friends. One of these days it will happen to them and I hope the way they treated me comes back to haunt them.

Do you have parents, brothers and sisters or relations on your late husbands side you can talk to. When my husband died just over three years ago I talked to our grown up sons about things as they understood as they were also grieving, but now they have moved on with their lives and they think I have also moved on but I haven’t, so I smile when I am with them and save my tears for when I am alone.

We were together 50 years so now I am in my mid 70’s, we met when we were teenagers in the 60’s and it was love at first sight. I will spend my remaining years grieving for him and if people think that is wrong I don’t care because there is no way you can be with someone for most of your life and get over them in a matter of a few years.

This forum is the best place to be, so many people going through similar heartache so you know you are not alone in this nightmare.

Take care,

Sheila xxxx

My sister died when she was 47 of cancer and her husband,my brother in law, who was two years younger than her never remarried or had companions, she was the only one for him and he died two years ago of cancer. They were married for 24 years and he never got over it.

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Shelia, Thank you, l have two sons both very good and busy, we talk but l dont tell them how l feel, on sunday l was out with my niece and all of a sudden l felt so low and tearful, l actually told her to get out my car, l was outside her house,and just drove off crying got home and havent really stopped, she realised l was having a really bad day, and l knew l had to reach out to something somebody,my sister was great yesterday but admits she just doesn’t know how l feel, my mum passed away at 57 cancer, same has dad, brother died 13 years ago, my mother in law is not around really for me, without being nasty if you say something her pain is always greater,
I do love the fact most people have been married for years, sounds like fairytales, but under no illusions, it is just closing the door and no-one there, l have a good bond with my grand daughter but shes 8 and saving for a ladder to heaven, l will gladly listen to her and cry with her but thats for her benefit, but lovely she will never forget her grandad
Take care Karen x

Hi Rocco
I’m so sorry for your loss, my husband Jack died on 6th December 2017 a week after I’d been told he had terminal liver cancer which had spread, and nothing more could be done. I didn’t do cards or presents for Christmas, It’s so true as everyone here says, it doesn’t matter how long you are together the grief is the same. I miss him so much, it’s very frightening being here all alone. I’m not coping very well at all, I joined this forum and it does help to be in touch with others who understand. I’m thinking of you and everyone who is going through this heartache. Keep in touch warm regards.

Janet x

Dear Karen, I wish I could tell you it gets easier but after three years for me it hasn’t. You have had a lot of grief in your life and it makes no wonder you are feeling down. I think people my age, in their 70’s who were married for many, many years spent more time together than couples do now, we had no TV when we married, no phone, mobile, computers, car etc. We sat together in the lounge listening to the radio or reading whilst our children played with their toys. Our two sons now nearing 50, remember a life without computers, we played games, did jigsaws and played on the park with them. I think that is why we oldies find it much harder to move on as we are getting to the end of our lives, have lost the person we grew old with because we were always together as a family unit.

I do not know what the answer is but I find that crying helps, it just comes in waves. I went to see our new grandson today, he is two weeks old, we went out for lunch and I got lots of cuddles. I was talking to him and he grabbed my finger and I just burst into tears because my husband would never see him. I did not feel ashamed at all, why would I feel ashamed for crying for the man I had loved since we were teenagers, it lets our sons know that their dad and I loved each other very much and there is nothing better than to leave that knowledge with your family.

Sometimes I like to be alone and sit and remember and look at photos. My late brother-in-law who lost his wife, my sister to cancer when she was 47 over 20 years ago told me that one day I will look at our photos and smile for the love and happiness we had for each other instead of crying, that time for me has not yet arrived, perhaps one day.

We are all here for you and anytime you want a talk you can private message me or write on the forum.

Sending my love.

Sheila xxx

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Thankyou Sheila,congratulations on new grandson, and pleased you went out to meet up with them.l went to help make cakes with my great nephew, his daddies big 30th tomorrow, he ate most of them but he really does lift my spirits, l will talk about hubby he was a kind man and l know he loved and thought the world of me,even in the week he passed he was getting things in place so l wouldnt have to deal with things(little did he know)but know this is a big hurdle to get over however long it takes
Thankyou for your kind words,and same back you can pm me anytimexxxxx

Thankyou Janet,only been on site for 24 hrs but lovely response from others in same situation, together we will all come to some peace of mind x