Well xmas day over with but now i am in bed not sleeping just crying i wish i had the guts to end this pain all i want is to be with paul but i no he would be angry with me for doing that and knowing my luck i would not get to be with him but i dont have the courage to take the tablets , all the people on my phone and i do not hàve one person i can talk to about all of this is thaf ao much to ask for the one person that i could talk to well she passed away in november so now i have no one tk talk ti about how i feel i have never in my life felt so alone and lonely all i want is paul then i will feel safe again
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I genuinely have been where you are, but my loved one would be so cross if I did not go on without her after all the love and care she gave me so I have to keep going. Go on talking to your Paul. Whether or not you have a faith I firmly believe love does not end. I talk to my loved one all the time. It’s a cliche but genuinely take it one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. See to the basics of eating and drinking – if you don’t, you will actually feel even worse. You may even find some of the endless administration that will fall to you now helpful as it is another way of caring for your loved one but if you hate the very thought of that then that’s fine too. There are no right ways to grieve. You just have to grieve in whatever way is your way. Grieving is so very lonely which is why I’m awake at this hour. But you and I are not alone - which is why I’m writing now. Look after you.
Hi
I do keep going and have done for 5yrs but this year seems to be the hardest off them all i do talkvto him all the time but its the neveer gettibg an answer or seeing his smile that makes it hard i just wish he was here it is so lonely without him we had no children so i.am on my own and i think thats what makes life tough when there is no one that gets what you feel lije or even understand what you are going through if there was that one friend that i had that understood me then i would be a bit better but friends are what i dont have any off just here to put my thoughts on
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@Sweetlady I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, as time goes on many people expect that you have got over your loss & it’s hard, you feel you have to hide your emotions away. I posted yesterday about how I was feeling seven Christmases on, 6 years since he passed away, & the pain can still be as raw. I carry on for him & that pushed me forward. We had no children together, I have 2 stepchildren & I’m very lucky that I’m very much in their lives & I now have grandchildren. But that also hurts because he never got to meet them. It must be hard to have no one to talk to but continue to post on here, get your feelings out, it helps. I’ve just started volunteering at a new bereavement group that’s been set up locally, do you have anything like that? Sending love & strength 
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Hi jodel
Yes there is groups i could go to but i struggle with my emotions and would hate.to.break down and cry as i know i would and i suffer.from panic.attacks since losing paul so that makes it very difficult i also.feel safe at home but.when i am out i cannot wait to get back in my car.and.be at.home although i know when i get home he is not there and it is so empty.and lonely
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My husband passed 09/14/25. I actually felt terrible pain in my chest every morning for over 2 months. I dreaded waking up, I wanted to sleep forever. If it wasn’t for Korki, my husband’s dog, I wouldn’t be alive today. She always would be in David’s lap, she loved him and really didn’t pay attention to me. Well I realized she had started to give me attention. We have 3 dogs, one that is 12 is my service dog. The other is a littermate to Korki. They forced me to quit thinking about dying because they need me. I know the loneliness, the silence, the fatigue because suddenly there’s so much to do, and that awful pain when there’s no touch, no warmth, no comforting voice. The days will get better but you have to try. Every day, I make a point to recognize something positive and I build my day on that trying to see more positive things. Your grief will lessen one day at a time. Take care of yourself, that is important for you to heal. It’s ok to just “ let it out “ so scream, punch a pillow then breath, make a point to escape by reading, walking just anything that gets your brain to a different place. The days will become kinder . Believe in that.
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