Losing mam - hopefully words of hope

I’ve not posted for some time on these forums, but they were invaluable support early on.

It’s been 8 months since I lost my mother. I know everyone walks a different path with grief. But hopefully what I can share now will offer some hope to people in the early stages of the life-changing grief of losing a parent.

It does get easier. The sense of loss never goes away, but it starts to get subsidised by more positive, happy memories of your lost parent. They were a huge part of you, who you are, what you think, and how you act and react. As the reality of loss settles you really understand how much of your parent resides in your very being. Whatever your beliefs, once that reality sets in, you realise they are never gone. They live and breath through you, they see and hear through you still.

Without a parents love and nurture you learn to be kinder to yourself. You accept yourself in a way never possible while they are alive,; your flaws and value. You start to see yourself in the way they saw you - not perfect - but perfectly you.

In the early days of grief, there was this overriding sense of silence. Losing a parent is traumatic - and losing a mother means your facing a horrible situation for the very first time without their guidance and love being available. It’s empty and it’s silent. It’s horrible. But as the months go on the silence lifts. You remember more vividly past conversations and guidance.

You start to realise that - amazing as they are - mothers don’t have all the answers. I treasured my mam’s advice and counsel, but even I realise she (sadly) has more wisdom now her life is over than what she ever could’ve had alive. What would she have done differently, if she knew her life would be cut short?

I can never know for certain. But I try. So I choose to let her values, and words-of-wisdom stay with me. Even though she’s not here, I know she did enough through my life that I can still hear her. I know when I’m making a choice she’d approve, and I also know when I’m doing something that she’d not agree with :slight_smile:

Losing a parent is horrible. My heart goes out to anyone going through this horrendous experience. But for most, it does get easier. And although they are gone - how alive they remain in our memories is up to us.


Hello this is my first post. I just wanted to say what a positive message from you. I hadn’t thought of some of the things you mention until now. Funnily enough I was sorting cupboards this morning and found a jacket my Mum had stitched for me. Fond memories of her constantly. I lost her just over a year ago.


Hi @Ryan82, thankyou so much for this positive post :heart: it’s was something I needed to hear today, so thankyou xxx

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Found this so helpful. I am experiencing anticipatory grief over my dad’s cancer diagnosis and thinking how I am going to cope without him in my life - found your words so comforting. Thank you


Thank you so much for your reply.

I don’t mean to upset you, but please male the most opportunities that are still available to you that others like me didn’t have. Have the difficult conversations. Ask the question you’ve had in your heart. Make the most of every second because life is really precious and sadly we only realise how precious when the time is up


Thank you @Ryan82. Your words resonated with me as I approach my mum’s first anniversary. I see her in the mirror every day, I hear her sayings from my own mouth but boy, I miss her so much I cry so hard still. Compassionate thoughts to you all without your Mums x

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