Losing mom

Hello my name is Scott I lost my mother on Mother’s Day that just passed. This is the worst thing I have ever felt in my life this was worse than all the other deaths in my life combined. I am feeling a lot of guilt sorrow shame and a multitude of other things I’ve never felt before I don’t know what they are. My mom went in to have a heart valve repaired the surgery went well but when they tried to get her off the ventilator she just wouldn’t breathe on her own. Over the course of 3 weeks I watched her slowly deteriorate because of the ventilator. She developed sepsis hemorrhagic shock and a multitude of other things. So I had to make the worst decision of my life on the day I should be celebrating my mother. It is a void that I don’t think nothing will ever fill. I feel guilty for not trying to talk her out of the surgery. About a year ago she had one doctor refuse to do it for fear that she wouldn’t be able to come off the ventilator having COPD and being almost 80. But she found another doctor to do it. Me and my mom had our issues but I still loved her and she didn’t deserve to go out like she did. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. I was at the hospital every day 2 hour drive each way to stay with her for as long as I could. I feel guilty for not staying till they pulled the plug but I just couldn’t stay there anymore but at that point she didn’t even know I was there she was just so ravaged from what the ventilator did to her. I just hope wherever my mom is now that she forgives me.



Good morning,

I’m sorry to hear about your mum :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

It’s sounds like it was a terrible time for both you and your mum.

You mum knows you loved her and cared for her as much as you could. There really isn’t anything to forgive you supported her dearly.

You mum is all around you, sending you strength to carry on. Look out for the signs and sense her around you.

I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are stronger than you think and you will get through this. Feel how you feel, reach out for support but most of all be kind to yourself :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Sending you a big virtual hug :hugs: xx

I have no doubt she feels she has nothing to forgive. Imagine if it were the other way around, would you blame her? I doubt it. We all do our best and yet guilt somehow creeps in even when unwarranted. I think it’s part of the human condition. We never feel like we’ve done enough.I did an enormous amount for my mum, all my life, but I still feel guilty. I also left a few hours before my mum died just to get some rest and felt terrible about it for weeks. I feel your pain, just keep processing x

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You did your best for your mum, and she would understand that. It is such a hard thing to do and I hope you can find support in uour grief from this community.

Hi blue boy.
I am sorry to read of your loss
Nearly 8 years ago I lost my mum suddenly to severe meningitis and copd. I still remember like it was today. For a very long time I let my feelings of grief consume me it’s only fairly recently I’ve dealt with it all. I can finally feel I can live my life the way I should. I know my lovely mum would not want me to feel guilty for not being at the hospital the day I lost my mum. It’s a terrible feeling not being able to say goodbye while I held her hand. I also know there is nothing for my mum to forgive she’s my mum loves me unconditionally. That goodbye I talked about it’s not goodbye. It’s a feeling I’ll see my mum again. She’s waiting for me that day will come. She wants to get on with my life and be the best that I can. I’m holding on to all my memories of my amazing mum.
So take your time and grief when it feels right for you. Your mums in your heart like my mum is.
I believe the love you have for your mum will keep you going that’s what it does for me. Take care of yourself

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